A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, I need some help. My bf has extreme anxiety when it comes to news things,people,and places. Since we are in an LDR, this causes some problems.He has flown to see me 3 times already, but it took an ultimatum for him to get the courage to come the first time (because I thought he didnt like me enough to invest in a plane ticket, this was when I discovered he actually had anxiety). He got the hang of flying, and we had a great time and he absolutely loved being in my country.This time, I suggested he come again but that he stay longer, which would mean finding a place to live. He has pushed planning it off for weeks and weeks and now it may not even happen. I am so upset and frustrated that his anxiety is so much stronger then wanting to see me. It is hard for me to accept. Once again, it feels like he doesnt like me enough to overcome it. I had severe issues as well, but I got over them for him because he was my goal. He seems really helpless, yet he doesnt want to lose me.I just dont understand how he cant want to see me yet be okay with not trying at all? I told him maybe Im not the girl for him if I put him through so much stress, but he insists I am.What do we do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): Join the club. I have anxiety too, and trust me it's not because he doesn't like you enough! Having an anxiety disorder is a POWERFUL thing that, unfortunately, you'd have to experience to truly know how debilitating it is. Hear it from me- it can be a nightmare! Please don't think it's because he doesn't like you! That's completely untrue! It's kind of like telling a guy with no legs that if he doesn't run with you for a morning jog, he isn't trying hard enough! The only real way to help this in my experience is with a psychologist or through self help. However, the only way to combat this anxiety is if he really wants to change. Assuming he doesn't have a personality disorder and instead just an anxiety disorder, I HIGHLY recommend this book-
http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindfulness-Acceptance-Workbook-Anxiety/dp/1572244992/ref=sr_1_20?ie=UTF8&qid=1340842541&sr=8-20&keywords=mindfulness+therapy
Read the reviews. It's a good tool to use. I'm using it and it's helping greatly! Good luck! I'm no doctor or anything but this is the best I can give you!
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