A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I m 19 years old and I m constantly hit on by men the age of my dad or even older. My dad is 46. It's not just sometimes they hit on me, it's a ratio of 80/20 comparing to guys my age group. Not only it's embarrassing for me, I also don't know how to react to this. My parents are from old country and I was brought up in manner of respecting older people. I just can't be rude to them or tell them how to behave towards me, because this is how I was brought up: to respect someone who is so much older than you.What I don't understand the most is how these older men have this idea in their mind that a girl my age would find any of them even a little sexually attractive. For me they are all of different generation, and it should be the same for them.Especially it gets annoying at some family gatherings when for example a cousin brings someone divorced or single around 40, and instead of making a conversation with other present single women of his age, he starts talking to me all night, making comments on what a fresh peach I m. In this situation there is no way I can say anything to anyone, because he is a guest of the house.I understand that being young I might look especially attractive to these men, but they lived a life, don't they understand how inappropriate they behavior is, not to call it ridiculous. I talked to my mom about it, she said she went through the same thing, and even at work there was a guy who made her time there hell by brushing against her all the time and talking dirty. At that time I guess there was no sexual harassment law.If anyone have any advice on how to handle these unwanted situations, what to say to get rid of the guy, not being rude at the same time.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (28 June 2012):
 To the OP, no it is not disgusting to ALL young girls. It isn't fair of you to assume that. I know girls personally who like older guys. At my work place, there's this 21 year old who absolutely loves this 40 year old guy. There's also this young girl at my work place who seems to be in exactly the same situation as you, but a bit more extreme. Not only do older guys hit on her, they rub on her everytime they pass by. I mean, these guys are old enough to be her grandfather. It's disgusting to watch. I don't know if she allows it because she likes it or because she just has low self-esteem.
The problem you have is that you don't speak up and tell them to STOP. That is probably one of the biggest mistakes in the world of flirts. Make it known that you are not comfortable with their advances. I know how hard it is to do. I too was raised to respect my elders so when a 40+ year old lady started to get explicit with me (24), I really found it extremely discomforting. I finally had enough and told her that I didn't see her in that way. It was hard because I don't enjoy turning people down but sometimes it's less cruel to reject them in the beginning than later on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): I m not waisting my time worrying about it, I m disgusted by their behavior. But I guess I ll be walking away from now on, polite talk is over
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A
female
reader, Paula4u  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 Dont waste time worrying about it, these men arent getting enough at home and thats probably because the partner at home is wise on their games.
Young partners are symbols on their arm. Its sad. Most of them think they are God's gift to the world, they are earning money and at an age that they feel successfull and are still good looking.. So their self esteem is high.
Just crumple that with "No thank you, I prefer my own age group." No matter what you do or say, they will want to take it further.. walk away is easiest. If appropriate persistent ones threaten them with legal harassment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): regardless of age it is not rude to tell somebody that they are making you uncomfortable. i actually had this problem alot when i was in my late teens and even now at times, though i have a big scarey husband to see them off lol, i think it really is just a case of older guys trying to tell themselves and everyone else that they can still pull a younger woman! if their behaviour really is that inaproprite you need to tell them that there is no hope, otherwise they will keep trying!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): From OP:
Thanks for answering, I hoped I d have more responses, but I dpnt think it's a matter of attractiveness. I think its a matter of me being young, that's all it is. People are attracted to youth, its obvious, I dpnt have any problem with this, but I do have problem with what I described above.
Also, by posting this I wanted to deliver a message to older Men hitting on girles at least half their age: what u do is a turn off for us, we look at u, and think of our fathers.
You really need to stop doing this!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): I deal with this a lot to be honest. I know it's very uncomfortable and even disturbing, but really, there is no "polite" way to go about it. Usually what I'll do is excuse myself from the situation and then avoid them like the plague. However if you don't say anything outright, and just beat around the bush, they don't stop. They'll continue to pester you and make rude sexual comments. Give them a clear signal right off the bat, it's not going to happen now or ever. I'm sure we're not the only ones dealing with this, so I'd love to see some of the other answers.
Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): That definitely is not fair! While possibly flattering, even I would detest that if I was a girl! I've yet to meet older women that hit on me (thank goodness because to me, that is VERY inappropriate and strange). I guess it kind of depends on your definition of rude. According to me, it certainly is not rude to tell someone you aren't comfortable with their actions. I think you should look these people in the eye and tell them honestly that you are not interested in significantly older men. I'm very certain they'll understand. I guess some guys think confidence is the only thing they need to get a girl at any age! Don't give them any hope that you are even a little interested, and considering you aren't, that will be no problem lol. It is not rude to tell an older guy that you aren't interested in him romantically and that he should stop because he is making you feel uncomfortable. Make sure you say how you are really feeling in a polite way, I'd suggest as I said "uncomfortable". If it is in a polite way, you can literally say anything to anyone without being rude! That's my two-cents. I personally don't try all that hard to get a girlfriend, but man I agree with you that's just weird! An age disparity that great seems to only imply sexual intent. I hope for the best for you. And hey, it's definitely a compliment! If you are really that attractive, it'll be easy to swoon the guy you really want lol! As you can see, there's advantages and disadvantages to everything. And if I was uglier, I'd be WAY better at guitar! Ugly guys are the best at guitar lol! Sigh. Good luck, sis! =)
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