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female
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anonymous
writes: This is really complicated but I’ll just tell you what has most recently happened. Had a long distance relationship for 2 years with a guy who was at uni but it didn’t work cos he couldn’t stay faithful cos he was out with lads drinking etc – uni lifestyle and wanted to be single so we finished. He always denied 2 timing me but eventually I found out the truth. He returned to me 9 months after breaking up saying he’d changed, blamed it on being young, away at uni etc and wanted to give it a proper go. I haven’t had anyone else. I said just wait til you finished uni and see what happens cos there was only 6 months left and I couldn’t trust him while he wasn’t about now. But just before he came home he had a one night stand with a stranger which he thought I wouldn’t find out about, but I did. When I confronted him he denied it but then I had evidence so he was caught. He blames it on being lonely and in waiting for a girl who he wasn’t sure would take him back. But says he still wants me and realises where he went wrong and begging for a chance to put it right. So I ask myself this - can a guy really change and grow up now he has finished uni, if he truly loved me (which he says he does), would he have let the one night stand happen, and once the trust is broken, will I ever re-gain it or will I live a life of suspicion? Anyone been in similar situation? Any advice would help thanks x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): Yes, people can change, but from the story you gave it really doesnt sound like he wants to change.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2006): I've got through university and NEVER cheated on the girl I LOVED.His reasons are just shit!But yes, a guy can of course change, but, it seems to me this guy has some major security issues that sadly, love will not fix.My girlfriend cheated on me, we tried making it work for a few months but things (for me) were never quite the same and eventually I broke it off with her.. It took me months to realise that really, once the trust was broken, it would never be the same... gutting because she was the love of my life and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Took me a long time to realise that actually SHE is the one that lost out. Lost out on me, a faithful, dedicating and loving person.. ;)I don't know if all of these questions will apply to you, but it's worth asking the ones that do to your boyfriend:1. Have you felt guilty? How long?2. How could it go on so long if you knew it was wrong?3. Did you think about me at all?4. What did you share about us?5. What did you see in them?6. What did you like about yourself when doing it? 7. How many other times has it happened or almost happened?8. Did you have unprotected sex?All this questions point towards various things, I could go in to them if necessary.Good luck let me know if I can be of any other assistance.
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