A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I've been in a relationship with someone for about a year and a half mostly online. Up until recently it has been completely virtual. I went to visit him in the summer and we hit it off eventhough he was a bit....forward. Recently (September) he called me saying he was in trouble and that he wanted to be with me. That he needed me. As, at the time, this was the man I was planning to marry I didn't question it as much as I probably should have. I thought that he was loyal and hardworking not to mention loving but the more time we spend together the more our relationship dissolves into fighting and arguments. Not even a full four weeks after he got here, I found out that he was trying to meet up with other women over the internet. He pretended like he didn't know what I was talking about and when I told him that I was leaving him he begged me to stay. I stayed against my better judgement and now things have gotten even worse. To make a long story short, I am not getting the emotional satisfaction or the level of stability that I had hoped for. He has had a rough life and I know he wants to change but...I don't know if I should stay with him. Keeping him company has taken me away from my studies. What should I do? I keep trying to have a conversation with him about what I need but he never gets it and instead tries to make me feel bad for working hard, getting frustrated and apparently not giving him the attention that he needs. Should I leave him? I think I already know the answer but I am afraid...
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (27 November 2015):
 What kind of trouble was he in? Did this not raise the alarm for you?
Yep, you already know the answer and once it's done you'll look back and realise there was nothing to be afraid of.
Toss this one back.
A
male
reader, devont  +, writes (27 November 2015):
 Please don't be afraid of ending it with him. Be more afraid of what your life will be like if you stay - the relationship is only going to get worse. The longer you stay, the lower your self esteem will get.
He might have a rough life, but as long as he's with you he is not going to change... He needs to be away from you to do that.
This relationship is not going anywhere, he has betrayed your trust and you need to end it. There is no point dragging it out. Just be straight with him and don't give him any options but to leave. Don't let him guilt trip you, be strong.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 November 2015):
 There is one important phrase in your submittal: "... He has had a rough life and I know he wants to change..."
Tell him that - once he's done with that (he's changed) - he can take another shot at you. Not, until then...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (27 November 2015):
 He tries to meet other women behind your back?? And on top of that he has the nerve to actually intentionally make you feel bad about yourself... He clearly IS a pathetic little man that needs to jerk women around, in order to feel good about himself!
He's a little p**ck basically and YES, you should leave him- why are you selling yourself short? Firstly in a "virtual" relationship, it's guna be a lot easier to hide things from other people, which is exactly what he's done- lied and played around behind your back, calling you up when he needs attention, n ego boost...
Don't be scared of NOT settling for this idiot... you know you deserve better, it will be difficult but you knowing it's the right decision owe it to do the right thing for you.
Take care
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 November 2015):
 Yes, you should leave him. Because as much as he "wants" to change he isn't doing anything about it, he is instead blaming you. He is taking 0 responsibility and THAT is not the actions of someone who really wants to change.
He probably was doing this while you two were online only. It was easier to hide from you before living together.
As you seem to have realized he is NOT the guy you though he was. And his words doesn't match his actions.
Just end it, focus on your studies and your job. And next time. Date someone in your own geographical area.
Yo have already given him more chances than he deserved. Kick him out, move on. He is NOT the guy you thought he was. And yo don't OWE him squat.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (27 November 2015):
He obviously represented himself much different when your relationship was only viral and you depended on his word and keystrokes without any exposure to his actions. You really should have spent much more non-viral time with him before thinking he'd be the man you'd marry.
Every paragraph you write presents a whole new group of red flags and stop signs. He is a loser. For you to stick with him makes both of you losers. Let him go this one by himself. Get back to your studies and peaceful life so that you can resume being a winner.
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