| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Dear CupidI am 22 and I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years he has a history of cheating he said that for the past 3 years he has'nt cheated on me anymore things have been good but for the past few weeks he began disappearing for long hours and sometimes he tells me were he was but I have a hard time believing him and most of the time he gets mad when I ask were he was. He has changed he doesn't want to talk to me over the phone he barely wants to spend time with me. I have tried to confront him about it but he just says that he is not with no other girl and that he loves and would'nt do that to me. What do you think I should believe do you think a person can change there was or once a cheater always a cheater or should I trust him more? Please help I am so confused!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2007): He shouldn't be treating you and making you feel this way
whether he is cheating on you or not you can do so much better
move on!
your too good for him
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): There is no way that this guy is not cheating on you. You deserve to be with someone who isn't a cheat or liar so dump him immediately. I was in the same situation but didn't leave him and it was only me who ended up getting hurt. My ex of 5 years (and friend 5 years before that) showed no signs of remorse or guilt for cheating on me despite having cheated in the early stages of our relationship. It will hurt and there will be a lot of tears, to not be with him but will hurt even more if you continue this relationship. Be strong! You know you can be!... and it will allow you to be free to find that trustworthy person you deserve.
Take care xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): Is there a history of whining and groveling you have done to keep his attention, affection, love? Is there a chance you may have come across as being needy and vunerable?
Is there a history of abuse, critism, put downs?
A big need a narcissistic individual feels is to have their space.
The only time you may feel you are important to a narcissistic individual is when they need something from you, you confront them, you threaten to change things, you threaten to end the relationship. Their needs will always come first.
Has the BF suffered severe neglect and abandonmen, emotional abuse, and sexual and physical abuse in his childhood?
He may suffer from both or one of BPD or NPD tendancies due to his childhood.
When the person suffering from narcissismis faced withthe inevitable ending of a relationship-either because he is unable to ignore the fact that the relationshipis a failure or he is interested in somone else-he will inevitably become abusive. Unable to accept responsibility for the failure of the relationship or for hs attraction to someone else, he must make his partner responsible-in his own mind and in hers. (page 206, from Beverly Engel's The Emotionally Abusive Relationship)
It is evident that being with this man has is one big let down, one big roller coaster ride, one big I am walking on egg shells as well as when is the bottom going to fall out-this isn't a healthy relationship.
I think that with this; it is time to leave. It is ended and you know it.
Face the cold hard facts and come to terms and move on.
Get strong. Be wise. Love yourself.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (23 January 2007):
 I think you already know what this guy is up too and you have come on here in order to validate your own suspicions.
Go with your instincts as max says. You know what he is doing in your heart. You are so much better than sitting around at home waiting for some guy to 'bless' you with an explanation or a piece of his time.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (23 January 2007):
 Go with your instincts. I'm sure you probably know what he's upto already
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