A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 5 months is amazing. I love him dearly. But I have started to notice he has an alcohol abuse problem. He does not drink every day but when he does he drinks all day or just enough that he gets really loud, inconsiderate or passes out early. Most of the time when it is a problem is on the weekends when he is watching football and drinking beer with the guys. When I finally get to see him he tells me a million ways why he loves me and passes out to the point that I can't move him. He has passed out naked half on the couch half off, he has passed out mid sentence and has even passed out fully clothed on the bed to which I have to undress him and cover him up. I have held his nose shut till he stops breathing, yelled in his ears, propped open his eyes and shined lights in his face and even slapped him a little to see if he will stir. He never even flinches! Besides all of that .... I am always the DD and he embarrasses me in front of my friends because he talks loudly and interrupts conversations and can be plain out rude. He never see this. Plus we end up fighting the next day because I feel he ruins the night. I have been around him when he drinks just a few drinks and he is fine. He seems to be able to monitor how much he drinks on some levels. He does not crave alcohol. During our last argument he admitted that he has a problem with drinking without me bringing it up. I think I scared him when I said he could be in the same room with an intruder raping me right beside him and he wouldn't even know it. At this point he would like help. After doing some research I think that he is not an alcoholic but does abuse alcohol. There is a difference. I can see most of it is situational. Like football on the porch with the guys, drinking at the golf course and the fact that we are in our late 20's and most of our friends drink. Are there progressive treatment programs available? I mean.... him going to AA is going to be ridiculous. I think he needs more of an alcohol management program. I do feel if he does not manage his alcohol now... in the future he will have full blown problem. ie... drinking every day, cravings an larger scale issues then when he does drink now. Right now he is having a few beers during the week and like a 12 pack plus on friday and 12 pack plus on saturday.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): Hi ThereI noticed that you wrote this in October 2010. I hope that you have managed to get out of this relationship. You are lucky you noticed after five months it took me two years to realise that my boyfriend had a drinking problem, I thought he was English and drank too much. After two years I realised he was 35 and despite earning a whopping amount of money he had nothing to show for it. No house no car and no money at 35 and a drinking problem. We are now friends and two and a half years later he is still a drinking alcoholic who has no control. Don't waste your time, eventually his problems will become yours. Yes they tell you they love you, they need you. Nothing worse than staring at an alcoholic at a dinner table trying to have a chat with some one whos face is flushing and can not make conversations. Alcoholics are liars because they have no idea what they are doing themselves. Get out while you can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): Hi there!
Im sorry to hear about this. Yes, abuse can be situational. In fact, I think his friends may be of poor influence and he should question his judgment there.
Anyway, it wouldnt hurt to look into AA. Ive heard those can be very beneficial and very encouraging. Id weigh that opetion entirely before its dismissed.
Counseling helps tremendously too. I think the benefit of someones mental health outweighs any pocket expense. There are many good counselors online nowadays and provides for a little privacy and that helps cause Im ashamed and embarrassed of some of my issues. PM if u want some good sites.
Id try to compromise with him a bit here about him spending time with your friends. I think youre a better influence and if he just stops going to see the guys on game day they r gonna wonder why they have those extra couple hot wings haha. So...try suggesting a place where you and him can go together even if its a house or maybe even family and then designate some time he could hang with his homeys where he wouldnt necessarily put himself in a situation to be harmed by the booze.
It doesnt hurt for you to suggest to go along either to watch him and also see his friends. Do you know them? Its not fun to play chaperone or watch and be sure however you can see what his temptations are and if you wanted to help him fix those, I think thatd be great of you.
You are a kind and caring woman here and also responsible for coming forth with this. Good luck and best wishes.
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