A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 4 months thinks that I have B.O. and I'm very hurt. I always shower when he comes over and he says that sometimes showering isn't enough, and that the natural deodorant I use isn't effective at times.He doesn't mind but highlighted that others might but never tell me out of politeness. I'm very sad. After speaking to my coworkers about it, I think it's his nose thats the problem. I feel very unattractive now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2016): Acutally if someone told me i smell bad i would be gratefull if anything as it is the hardest thing to tell someone.
I used to do natural deodorant too, but it worked for half an hour. Now ia m using Secret and i reapply it twice a day. SOme people are just sweatier than others.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 April 2016):
 In other word , you would have loved to turn this from a problem of YOUR B.O to a problem of HIS hyper-sensitive sense of smell :)?....
Unluckily, OP, chances are that if your bf really had this super-keen sense of smell that makes him stand out among general noses.... by now he would have a very lucrative position in the perfume industry. As a matter of fact, as other posters have said, he did you a big favour, because he was not afraid to bring up something that others people may have noticed too ( acquaintances, coworkers, or just fellow riders of the bus ) but felt it was not their place to say .
You are shocked as if he had accused you to be a dirty slob, but it's not that what he meant. He KNOWS you and he knows that you shower religiously every day, it's not your hygiene that's being questioned.
Unluckily, for lots of people , not just you, a shower in the morning won't carry them through the day till night, particularly if they have an active life, eat spicy foods, or the climate is warm etc. If you do not believe me, ride the New York subway around 6 p.m. ( rush hour ) on a summer workday, - it may be a very " intoxicating " experience, - and it's not statistically probable that all that people , or the majority, does not shower.
It's just that human body is a wonderful machine which has
this marvellous, ingenious way to excrete impurities and toxins. Marvellous and ingenious yes- odourless, no. Or at least, not in the same way for everybody.
If you have to blame somebody, blame Mother Nature, not your boyfriend !
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (4 April 2016):
 No, it's not YOU that is the problem. It's the BO. Unless your boyfriend said something along the lines of "You smell like a rotten dying cat" or "You are so disgusting that I can't be around you without puking", then there *is* no way gentle enough to stop the embarrassed feeling.
Remember, he wasn't pointing out YOU as the bad thing or YOU as being the problem. He was pointing out the BO as the problem and alerting YOU, who he likes, as someone who can do something about it. Think of him as enlisting you to help solve an external problem rather than you being the problem itself, which you're not. I know the embarrassment can cause an initial reaction of defensiveness, and acting out that defensiveness can cause tension.
There was a guy who posted on here whose girlfriend was using the wrong kind of toilet paper (too soft), and when they got intimate, he'd noticed fragments stuck to her, which was off-putting to him. He was filled with anxiety over how to bring it up to her without her flipping out on him. I'm guessing your boyfriend was feeling that kind of anxiety bringing up the BO, but no matter how it came out, it WAS an act of kindness. Many people would just disappear or break up with someone out of cowardice rather than point out the issue so it can be fixed. Bad breath is another common issue that causes this sort of defensiveness when it's pointed out, and like BO, it too is fixable!
Instead of looking at the BO as it being YOU and getting hurt over how gently he brought it up, separate your identity from it and look at it as him getting together with you to solve an external problem together. Had it been your house and he was pointing out a termite issue or a flooded basement, you wouldn't have given it a second thought. Think of it in those terms, and the embarrassment will quickly dissipate as the problem is easily solved by both of you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2016): Thank you. I ended up getting a new deodorant. I'm hurt because I feel like he could have been more gentle in delivering the message. I would have started by saying that maybe my nose is too sensitive or something along those lines but he just assumed I was the problem.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (2 April 2016):
Two years ago a friend told me that she used liquid chlorophyll as a deodorant. Chlorophyll is the green stuff in plants and is all-natural. It is taken internally (you drink it) rather than used topically like nearly all deodorants. I've been using daily since then (about 2 tablespoons in a protein shake each morning) and it is amazingly effective.I used to notice my natural body odor (I hesitate to call it "fragrance") if I took whif of my armpit immediately following a shower. That is no longer true. It may take a few weeks to take effect. I no longer use a deodorant unless it is going to be a warm day and I'm planning a lot of physical work. Chlorophyll is sold at health stores and usually comes in a 16 oz. bottle that sells for around $10. It will last you several weeks. I don't think it will really be effective unless you take it on a daily basis.I suggest you do a web search for "chlorophyll deodorant". You may have to go thru several pages before getting to links that are not just advertisements by outfits selling this stuff.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 April 2016):
Don't be hurt! He's doing you a huge favor! Think of it this way - if you were wearing jeans and your zipper was down in public, or you had some big black piece of food stuck on your teeth every time you smile and were about to go into a job interview, the person who let you know about it would be a great friend to you rather than the people who noticed and said nothing.
What you're feeling is embarrassment. All of us have gone through it! We've all had mortifying social embarrassment at one point in our lives, so what you need to do is shake it off and look at it from the perspective of his being a good friend to you!
In some people, unfortunately, showering is NOT enough. That unique BO smell is actually caused by specialized sweat glands called Apocrine Glands which produce sweat high in protein that bacteria breaks down. It's the byproduct the bacteria produces that makes that nasty smell. There are many factors that go into having BO, so it's not some slam against your hygiene.
Natural deodorant a lot of times isn't strong enough to handle a high BO smell, so switching to a good quality anti-perspirant (which contrary to the old fearmongering chain emails does NOT cause cancer or Alzheimers) would help you!
One thing to keep in mind is diet. If you're a lover of Italian food or Chinese food or alcohol, that stuff can sweat through your pores and give BO a more pungent smell.
FRUIT is a good thing to eat too! So use a strong deodorant. If you're still dealing with BO after making changes, it might be a hormonal problem, and a visit to the Dr. could help. Some people who take certain medications experience a change in their body odor. After my kidney transplant, I took a ton of different medicine, and my husband noticed that I smelled a little different (though as he describes it, not unpleasant). Obviously mosquitoes sense the change, because I haven't been bitten once, and I spend a good deal of time outside! So body chemistry has some things to do with it as well!
Talcum powder actually helps too in combating BO! Consider adding a light amount to your after-shower regimen along with a heavy duty deodorant!
Don't be hurt! Don't be embarrassed! Your boyfriend wasn't meaning to put you down!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2016): Don't use natural deodorant as it isn't working for you. Buy a regular deodorant from the drugstore. See if that works. If not buy a super strength one. Wear breathable fabrics like cotton and not synthetics. You may need to throw away existing clothes as they can hold the scent from previously. Even with washing them. It's not easy to tell someone they have BO and it's good he did and it's better you know and do something about it even though it hurts. You may not notice it as you are used to it. But others may. He didn't do anything wrong. He did you a favor. So. The plan is - Shower twice daily. New drugstore deodorant. No more natural ones. New cotton t shirts. Change and wash them daily. Some people are affected by diet. And will sweat out the scents of spices and meat and alcohol if they have a lot of them. If you have a lot of those (i.e. Daily) then cut down. Make these changes for a week and ask him. Better to know.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 April 2016):
 Try and not be hurt sweetie. It could be true that you suffer more than average or it could be that he has a strong sense of smell. If you feel there is a problem then change deodorant or shower gel. Maybe talk to a friend or a family member and ask them have they ever noticed. A lot of people wouldn't tell you this as they wouldn't want to offend you, it doesn't sound like he is trying to hurt you, probably just the opposite.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 April 2016):
 Go see your doctor if you think there is ANYTHING about it.
If no one else have told you this, I'd find it can be his nose. (I'd actually as family and close friends over co-workers).
Now when he said B.O. did he mean armpits or crotch?
If it's the crotch... it can be an infection you might not smell yourself and seeing your GYN might be a good idea.
If you don't think you have problem here with your body, then maybe HE isn't right for you...
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (1 April 2016):
Don't be hurt. I'm sure that he was only trying to help. It is true that some people's noses are more sensitive than others, however maybe it just is masked more by your work clothing.
Body odor is nothing to be ashamed of or hurt about. Are traditional deodorants irritating to your skin? Maybe try a different brand of deodorant.
Neither my husband nor I think twice about letting one another know if our breath is bad or we need deodorant. It is just common courtesy to let your spouse know. It is nothing to be hurt over.
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