A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is kinda a HUGE question and i really need help, my fiancée (we have been together since we were 12 im 19 now) has just been diagnosed with lung cancer and has been told he's got about a year to live basically but they're gunna treat him as best they can but its spreading fast. The thing thats bothering me (apart from that of course) is that my boyfriend wants a baby before he dies which i really dont mind as i love him and want a baby myself. Also my boyfriend wants to spend have his savings on marrying me and half for the baby. I want to do both these things really much but what his parents think its a bad idea (i grew up in a foster home so mine dont care)what are your opinions?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, naloji  +, writes (24 January 2010):
hi, i was just wondering how things are with your baby 2yrs later. i really hope God has given you all the strength you &baby needed to get by...
stay blessed!
A
female
reader, sexi +, writes (25 September 2007):
 Hi
I am so sorry to hear about that but you should know that God does things for a reason. Just keep praying and keep strong. You are in my prayers.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (24 September 2007):
 My condolences go out to you, I am so sorry. God will look after him, as I am sure he was a good man. Love Dusky xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust to update you my boyfriend passed away earlier than expected. His funeral was yesterday.
We married last week in a small ceremony and became man and wife. I have a healthy baby on the way.
Thanks for your help.
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A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (24 August 2007):
 Congratulations on the baby you are making a very brave decision. Being a mother is serious business. Who knows your boyfriend maybe around far longer than anyone expects, the Lord does amazing things. I will keep you and your loved ones in my prayers.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (24 August 2007):
Sorry Hattie, But I don't agree with you wanting to publish this poor girl's misfortune. Don't u think she has enough on your plate without u PATRONISING the poor girl.
I suggest you go elsewhere and try another cheap and tacky way to sell a story.
Dusky
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello there,Unfortunatley i would prefer not to be in any magazine as i didnt post for sympathy i posted for help as to what i should do. In no way did i want sympathy also if i recieve attention in a fame way im not sure thats something i could cope with on top of all i have going on at the moment.Sorry to disappoint you.X
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female
reader, hattie +, writes (20 August 2007):
I've been so moved hearing your story and congratulations on your pregnancy and upcoming marriage. I hope it has made both of you happy.
I work for a women's glossy weekly magazine and we would love to have you tell your story to our readers. We're an upmarket magazine aimed at professional, intelligent women. All our features are handled incredibly sensitively. I'm not sure how the other people here will respond to this post, but you seem to have moved them all with your story and I'm sure our readers would feel the same.
If you are interested my email address is [email address blocked] Do email me and we can have a chat about how this potentially could work. We can of course pay you, or donate money to a charity of your choice in lieu of payment.
Best wishes and good luck, Hattie
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A
female
reader, sister in christ +, writes (10 August 2007):
 OMG! Congratulations! I am praying for y'all and God is there even when it seems that he's not. He loves both of you and the baby! Good Luck.
Jeremiah 29:ll-- "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to give you hope and a future and not to harm you."
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A
female
reader, sexi +, writes (10 August 2007):
Hi,congrats! Im so happy with your decision and i would be praying for MIRACLE for you. Tell your bf not to give up hope, god works in mysterious ways, Pray and have faith and everything would work out for the best.Good Luck and take Care of your bf, yourself and the baby
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (9 August 2007):
Oh darling that is wonderful, I really wish you both all the best. Your beautiful letter moved me to tears,you have coped very well Everyone on Cupid are all proud of you both for being so brave and courageous. Love Dusky xxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to all that answered my question and to all of thoughs who are praying for us. I have good new for some of you maybe not for others, i am pregnant. Six weeks. And we do hope to get married in the next year. Thank you all for your thoughts. Thank you so much.
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A
female
reader, Ask_HanBan +, writes (8 August 2007):
 I am so sorry to hear about your bf, it must be very difficult to cope with.
well ignore what other people say and concentrate on what both of you want, which is a baby
gd look
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A
female
reader, sexi +, writes (8 August 2007):
Hi,Follow your heart. I am sorry to hear about your bf. If it is what you want then you should grant him his wish.Just remember that after some time you would have to raise that baby alone, would you be able to do that?
Think about the after effect first.
Take care, mail me if you wanna talk
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (8 August 2007):
Wow your letter totally blew my mind away, plus I am shedding a few tears reading and replying to this.
I think it is a lovely idea to get married,though I think having a baby at such a young age will not be such a good idea. But if you and your boyfriend feel strongly about it and you do want to have a baby as a reminder of him. Have you thought of looking into freezing his sperm/embryo,so when you are financially secure in years to come you can have that long for baby you yearn for as a sentimental memory of him. Please let all of us know on Dear Cupid what you have decided. xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): how about a compromise. first think of the practicalities; to be a mother to a new born baby while caring or grieving for your boyfriend is unfair to you and the baby. but maybe get married, and freeze some of his sperm so if you decide that you want his baby later then you can have it.
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (8 August 2007):
I agree with Dr Pete. It's beautiful romantic idea to have your boyfriend's baby, but you have to think of the baby's best interests, and yours. You will need all your strength to support your boyfriend over the next year. After he is gone, you will take a long time to grieve and recover your life. A baby is a wonderful gift but it is also an exhausting, 24-hour, 7 days a week commitment, that deserves all of your time and love. You are only one person with 2 arms, 2 legs and 24 hours in your day. I don't think you can support your boyfriend through this difficult time, and also be a good mum to a new baby as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): My opinion is that it's a romantic idea, but your boyfriend nor you are really looking at the reality of this situation.
You will a single mother and have to bring the child up without a dad. You're 19 - so young, you have the whole life ahead of you.
I can understand why your boyfriend wants a child, it's part of our nature to want to continue our genes on but I don't think he is really putting you first and putting what he wants for at best a year for a whole lifetime for you.
Lung cancer is also particularly debilitating, it is not exactly a pleasant way to die and I can't really see how you two are going to be able to raise a baby and toddler whilst your boyfriend is receiving palliative care.
Are you really strong enough to be a mother, and a carer to your dying boyfriend? It doesn't sound like a very good idea at all, to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): I am so sorry to hear what you are both going through, and I send you my love.
Marry him and have his child.
Enjoy the little time you have left together, and fulfill his, and your dreams before its too late. Your baby's daddy will live on forever within the child and you will always have a part of him around.
He will be able to die in peace, and be happy, and there will be no 'what if's' in your mind in years to come. You have been together for a very long time, and you are old enough to make your own decisions
xx good luck
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789 +, writes (8 August 2007):
 Hun i am sorry to hear that. but honestly you should marrie him and have a baby you both have been together along time and you both love each other, If something does happen to him you will have a baby from him and you will know you did what you wanted in life, and dont worrie about what the parents say because it is yours and his life and you will live it the way you want. A doctor can tell him a year but it could be a merical and the sooner you marrie him and have the baby the better that way when the time comes you will have a wonderful baby and a husband.
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A
female
reader, edsbabygirl +, writes (8 August 2007):
 This is what I see. He wants to to put a lifetime of expieriences all into one year because he can't live a normal life. I will tell you that I have tears in my eyes for you and your fiancée because no one deserves something like that. With the most respect as possible. I think that if you did these things, than it would be very hard for you. Do you know how hard it would be to raise a child on your own? I know that he loves you, but you need to realize that this would be a mistake. I can't help but cry for your boyfriend. I really don't know what to say. I believe that he deserves his dreams of having a family, but the only problem is, the baby may not even be born before he gets a chance to know he is a father. The facts of life are, things like this happen. I'm sorry they do, but we need to face them. I really can't think straight right now, so I will tell you, do what you think is best, but include him too! I will pray for the both of you. Have you tried contacting the cancer center of america? Please do take care. You are in my prayers. Kayla
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): You may love him, and he you, and certainly he is facing the end of his life at a young age. A real crisis for him, and absolutely devastating. I can understand his desire to have a baby, so as to leave "something" of himself in this world before he dies........BUT you are only 19 and if you marry him you will soon be a widow with maybe a very young baby to bring up on your own. A baby is going to require all your love, time, money, attention to doctor (pediatricians to begin with); nursery care, kindergarten, and on and on through all the school years with the activities kids have plus PTA meetings; homework; friends, on and on. That's hard even when there are two parents.Think very, very carefully if this is something you are prepared to undertake!His parents are aware of all the issues; that's why they think it a bad idea.Why not lavish all your love and caring on your fiance while you still have him, instead? He is going to need it, especially as his cancer progresses and he faces the terrible ordeal of a terminal illness and maybe being in a nursing home or hospice.And then, YOU will have your own agony and grief to deal with as you see him through this.Please, once again, think very carefully before bringing a baby into this scenario!You want to have children, and hopefully, sometime in the future you will meet another man you will love and who will love you, to marry and start a family with. Though of course, you understandably can't even think of that right now - nor should you. Its for a few years down the road.I do hope this helps. I know you are in a dreadful predicament.
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