A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m gay and have been going out with my boyfriend for six months now. We met online and everything seems to be going well – we recently returned from a lovely holiday and have even talked about moving in together. I do genuinely care for him and I think he feels the same way. However, I can’t help but feel insecure – my boyfriend has a promiscuous past and has slept with possibly hundreds of men. Although I am glad he was honest enough to tell me, I can’t help but feel uneasy about it. To make matters worse, when I googled my boyfriends email address, I found that he had an online dating profile on a website for swingers – although he has not put up any new adverts since being with me, I have noticed he frequently visits the website. Moreover, he continues to describe himself as single, and there are a number of naked pictures of him, in poses designed to draw attention. I don’t feel comfortable with this at all, and really dislike that he has such pictures up. I’m even more furious that he continues to visit the site – what is he visiting it for if not to have random encounters? I doubt he has cheated on me, because I see him very frequently, and speak to him every other day. But this does little to comfort me when I know that he’s still checking his online sex profile. I don’t know how to confront him with this information without damaging our relationship and coming across as intrusive. He will clearly think I’ve been spying on him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 You can't change the past and his old habits . You will have to deal with your own insecurities.
Unless you have hard evidence that he is cheating on you , you will have to lay off this issue and not confront him.
Confront him only when you are near your breaking point.There is not knowing what will happen afterwards.That is the big risk you will have to take.
Sometimes , you just have to close one eye and accept things as they are.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): You arent the one damaging your relationship. Hes already doing that by keeping his account running, advertising himself as single, keeping sexy pics up and checking the site!
I met my boyfriend online. 5 months into our relationship i checked and found he was still advertising and visiting dating sites. I was living with him so im sure he didnt actually meet anyone but just the thought that he was still looking wounded me.
I told him id checked and found him online. I said if he thought he could find better than me, then be honest and tell me. Then i could start looking elsewhere too!! He closed his accounts.
You need to talk to your partner, rather than keep it to yourself. If you say nothing and he keeps looking its only a matter of time before something happens x
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