A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically, my boyfriend has a 45 year old female friend. A lot has come out about her recently - namely that she is married with three kids, and she is seeing people behind her husband's back. She's obviously unhappily married. Not just that, she records sexually explicit videos for a message board online, which my boyfriend has also been a member of for 6 years (he was single these 6 years).And one last shock ... he has helped record some of these videos! The majority being 2-3 years ago, and a one-off last summer.He didn't view it as porn, as it was "just her". He didn't see a problem, because it obviously meant nothing sexual to him (though he obviously enjoyed it, he would be inhuman not to) ... but I partly put it down to him having Asperger's Syndrome - so he doesn't know what is socially accepted or not ... UNTIL he gets the bad reaction.He's given me his word that it's not going to happen again whilst we're still together, and I do believe him. I think I was well within my right to react the way I did, but I can't help but dwell on it - even if he didn't know I existed, and was single at the time! It's just, I'd started to talk to her, and get to know her. I can't even think of her now without being repulsed, and slightly threatened.I'm not used to this sort of thing, and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm only 18, for Christ's sake.Help. :S
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 May 2008):
It's awful thinking about your boyfriend having sex with their Ex's. I feel sick thinking about my husband and his Ex's now. So for there to be video evidence must make it lots worse. Especially as it's someone you know.
However.... All our partners have ex girlfriends. They've all had sex with other people. It's very rare to find someone who wants to wait for marriage these days, although sometimes I think it would have been worth it.
You just have to put these thoughts out of your head. He's with you now. Not anyone else. I bet you have done things you wouldn't like him to know about. We all have embarrassing secrets. It's just something you have to accept. Or if you can't accept it then you have to move on (or invent a time machine).
Good Luck!! xx
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