A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello dearcupid,My boyfriend has a very troubled past. He grew up very poor with an alcoholic mother. It sounds like she was a cold woman who only cared about drinking when he was growing up. He told me that when he moved out he attended a group that was like AA, not because he was an alcoholic but because he was afraid of developing the same addictions as some of his family members and wanted good habits. I really love drinking.. I'm not an alcoholic, but I enjoy having a bottle of wine with dinner sometimes, or occasionally buying whiskey on my nights off. Is it insensitive of me to drink in front of him? I asked him once and he said no, but the last time I went over to his house I had three glasses of wine while we were cooking and he made a comment that I was drinking a lot really fast. I don't want to hurt his feelings or be insensitive. Should I limit my drinking more around him? Just to clarify, he usually pours himself one glass and sips it, but doesn't generally drink to get tipsy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): Thank you for your advice! I'm actually not of legal age to drink... so I guess you could say that it's still new and fun for me. When I said that I "enjoy a bottle of wine with dinner", I meant bringing a bottle over to a friends house to share. On this particular occasion though it was my "friday" from work and I just felt like getting a bit silly and tipsy. It would take a lot more alcohol for me to get drunk.
I definitely will take your advice and take a break from drinking. It'll be good for my immune system (the flu is going around!), and it'll show my boyfriend and myself that I do not have an addiction problem. Hopefully he doesn't already think of me as a lush....
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 March 2012):
 I think you might want to lower your intake of alcohol while around him. It can make other people nervous if they see you pour down 3 glasses of whine before dinner, only to finish up the rest of the bottle with dinner. You're going to be drunk, or at least quite tipsy, by the end of that dinner.... And that might be uncomfortable for others.
By all means, drink a bottle of whine when you're at a party, or throughout an entire evening. Give me 5 hours and I can probably pour down a bottle of red myself. But not every day or when there's no occasion. And it will probably feel weird for him to witness it unless he is also drinking about the same amounts.
You said you're not an alcoholic. What is the longest period of time you have gone without ANY alcohol lately? And without any cravings for it? It doesn't take much to get addicted, and once you've even slightly addicted you'll lose the sensitivity to it. Which can make 3 glasses feel like just 1. So just go without alcohol for a month or two, to get a reality check on your body's relationship with alcohol.
And then if it's all good, continue as you wish. Just tone it down a notch with the mid-week drinking.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 March 2012):
 A glass of wine with dinner, sure. 3 glasses regularly, that's a bit too much. I'm not saying you're an alcoholic, but that it's more than is healthy. If you aren't an alcoholic you don't want to wind up being one. Alcohol is addictive, you don't need a family history to become an alcoholic.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 March 2012):
 I agree with Cindy an entire bottle of wine in one night is way too much.
It's recommended that women have ONE glass of red wine per day for health reasons.... ONE glass not one bottle... and they mean like 6 oz.... too much alcohol is bad for you on many levels...
ONE sipped glass per night is about right....
I live with a man who drinks excessively... it's not fun... he drinks wine and whiskey... he says he's not an alcoholic either...
so if I say NO wine or whiskey for three months can you do it? would you? if not... then you may have an alcohol problem.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 March 2012):
 No offense, but you should cut down on drink for yourself , regardless of your boyfriend and his mom.
A whole bottle of wine all by yourself ? holy moly, that 's 75 cl, which makes 6 or 7 glasses ( 11 cl each, regular bar or restaurant serving. Of course if you pour the wine at home in your biggets cocoa mug,... then it will only be 2 glasses, but that's cheating :) . Frankly, I know construction workers who 'd struggle keeping up with you.
I think when your bf made that comment it wasn't because of hurt feelings or oversensitivity, probably he was just surprised or concerned .
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