A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i have recently ended my relationship with a guy i loved with all my heart,due to the way he mistreated me and constantly accused me of cheating. i accept i hid the fact that i txt a male friend from my past this was due to previous accusations also from my past that my ex always threw up at me,but never was there any sexual contact back then as i wasnt attracted to him in that way.yet i was expected to keep my feelings of his female friends whom clearly wanted him including his ex-wife inside. he went through a period of wanting to look good not for me but so females would b attracted to him. it didnt matter that i was attracted to him. this made me feel worthless, he also went away without telling me to his x-wifes house for 2 weeks and never contacted me once, yet he was very quick to tell me how girls made passes at him and asked him for sex at the airport and on the plane, an he got angry because i got upset, and now again he tells me a woman asked him if she could cook him a meal and his reply was "i wont like the food", not sorry i have a girlfriend, and this was because i said i was single on a profile, which tecnicaly i am, an at the time we had split up only for a day or so,but we was still split. we was together just under 5 yrs and never has he ever made me breakfast,hardly txts me now, always late getting to me and even sex is no longer at his home as we lost his bedroom, an sex only now takes place at weekends in my home, an he thinks im in the wrong an i should not complain or get jealous?
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ex-wife, flirt, his ex, jealous, my ex, period, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): Anon female,have you been used? Your answer or outburst is unhelpful and bias.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2008): Say what the hell you like but your attitude stinks and you dont know what love is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): Wow! This guy sounds like a total jerk. If not there is something about this guy that screams extreme insecurity so run girl and never look back. The fact that you mention his ex-wife indicates to me that you are not teenagers anymore so what I can't understand is why you even need time to think about this one. Dump this jerk and move on while you still have some degree of self-worth and take some time to dedicate to yourself, family and friends. The right guy will come along when you least expect it and most importantly you will be in a place where you know exactly what you want and what you are worth.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2008): if i was you i would learn the meaning of the word "love" and be a little less selfish. you have used the word "love" very loosely. you wouldnt do the things you do if you loved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): I cant understand why you are asking this question as you ended your relationship. It doesnt seem like you really loved the guy and youre probably not ready for a commited relationship yet. One thing that stands out are your double standards. When you eventualy meet someone you love,you will have to treat them more respectfully and be more honest about yourself. If then you are treated badly,you will have a genuine complaint. With this guy,you had no cause for complaint as you caused his lack of trust and behaviour in the first place. How you describe his behaviour is of someone confused through hurt. You excuse your own behaviour but not his. I am under the assumption that you are far younger than 41-50?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): You deserve an oscar.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): If you had read the very first answer,the co-dependant traits were pertaining to you and not your ex bloke. This shows just how easy it is to you to miss out bits and make things into your own story. Just like you did with your relationship. Until you look at things full on you will always have arguments. You need to grow up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): I think you are such a hypocrite. I have never heard so much shit as this. You are so hard faced. You need to have one long look at yourself and stop making teenage excuses for your teenage behaviour.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): What is meant by filled in a profile? You mean a dating or meet for sex website? You must have been a crap girlfriend to say you had only been broke up for only one day. You probably drove him to his x-wife. You have a hard face to believe you were mistreated. You are either dilusioned arrogant beyond belief or plain stupid.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): You are real immature. I find it hard to believe you are within the mentioned age group. You are dishonest without doubt. What is your problem?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): it looks like you get jealous easily aswell. the difference is you are dishonest with it. you have mistreated him,not the other way round.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008): He had very good reason to believe you was cheating. I also believe if you did then you dont see it as anything because it doesnt matter as long as it isnt against you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Try http://www.slaafws.org/
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): come on now you started the ball rolling. you simply dont like being treated the same way you treat others. If you want a rug to wipe your feet on get a door mat. your fella like everybody is entitled to have feelings and you are one of a pair. your attitude suggests you think you are superior and not to be questioned as what you do wrong doesnt count. as a couple (or single when it suits you) you are one of two. you have a very limited inteligence. If you had a brain you would be dangerous.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): just take 10 minutes to stop thinking about yourself. look back at the situation from start to finish. do not blank out the wrongs you did. if you could stop thinking about only yourself then situations like this wont keep happening. never in a million years did you love or respect that guy. dont waste his life and let him go. for some reason i have a feeling he`s a nice guy. you would probably benefit more from an open honest relationship. remember,open means your partner will do the same as you so cool your own jealousy.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Is he your ex? If so,then what is your problem? You have used and abused the guy. Now what? Without seeking proffesional help there is nothing else u can do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): I cant imagine any guy in this world who would be able tolerate you. You are unbelievably immature. The best advice i could give is grow up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): Never has he made a breakfast? He needed his head feeling for even staying for breakfast. I have never heard something as unbalanced and ridiculous as this in all my life.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): He never mentioned you,but he declined. You fill profiles as single. This spells out that he is answerable to you,you are answerable to no one. He declined. You are on the lookout. What planet do you live on? You had been finished only one day? Reading this really shows me just how petty i have been with the complaints i have made in my own relationships. Luck of the Irish to you,because with your attitude you will need it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): You got upset because a woman asked to cook him a meal,but you text and is single at your own convenience. Hmmmm. I think you was really upset because you realize you cant trample over his feelings anymore because you are not the only female in this world and he knows theres a better class out there beyond you. To put the cards on the table,you thought you was a much higher power that should not be questioned at any time. Well good luck to him. Judging from your outbursts,the reality has hit you hard. There are still decent women left in this world. Pompous,self serving,conveniently ignorant people like you make my blood boil.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): You got rid of your fella,so the best advice to you now is learn to practice what you preach. At first i thought it was written for a laugh,but it seems you actualy do believe you was mistreated. I do think you was with him for so long because you didnt want to be lonely. Doing profiles a day after splitting up shows you didnt care or love him. For now dont fall back into the owts better than nowt syndrome. Sort yourself out first as you seem quite unreasonable in thought to be in a relationship just yet.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): You accept you text a man. You are insulted because some women find him attractive. I could believe by your attitude that you could have done a lot more than he knows about.
You certainly didnt waste time with your profile. How do you thik he felt? Mistreated perhaps?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): Why should he have to mention you? He declined an offer. You text a geezer and are in your own terms,single. However you are mistreated lol.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): If you filled profiles,or (to be less econmical with the truth),joined a date/chat/sex site within a day of being broken up then you never loved him in the first place. It looks to me that you arent really bothered who you are with as long as you got a boyfriend or you held on for 5 years until a better one came along. Your ex to me sounds like he knew. He is anything but codependant. Do you understand anything thats been written on this page by anyone? Ignorance wont always be bliss.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): It doesnt add up. You cant be single when its convenient and expect loyalty.
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male
reader, berkley smoker +, writes (17 July 2008):
This is my first attempt at answering a problem. the board have been honest with you and like them i can only advise you to imagine it was the other way round. Why did you end the relationship? Was it because he wouldnt tolerate your nonsense? I think its unlikely he will ever totaly trust you again anyway. Have you not thought about open relationships? Of course,you will have to learn to control jealousy,the same way you dont expect to see any jealousy from your boyfriend. Other than that i would advise you to see that you are in the world and it doesnt all revolve around fitting into your wishes. For your own good,stop being so self righteous.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): This is another who has accused you,and only you know if you cheated. I refuse to believe that the reason for keeping secrets is a guy previous. U kept it secret because you wouldnt tolerate it the other way round. Until you behave as part of a couple you will face this problem. Filling a profile as single just one day after a fall out proves your now ex bf was only filling a gap. Five years of two lifes wasted. For heavens sake stop behaving like a teenager and sort out your attitude.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): I fail to understand why he mistreated you? I also dont understand why you claim you love him? I also fail to see your defination of co-dependancy?
The only thing i can put into place is that you feel its your right to make up the the rules as to what suits you best. Failure to comply is not an option. You sound like youre angry because he was a challenge and you couldnt keep control. Through immaturity,you have wasted 5 years with a man you are incapable of caring about.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): I think this is more a display of bad feeling towards your bf than a problem. You are very open about your double standards. Show no sign of caring that you played a bigger part in the break down. When flaws are pointed out,you then make further attacks on him. Well,you spent a long time with this man and i think you should spend even more without. There are men who enjoy their wife being with someone else and you wouldnt have to keep secrets then. This is the only option you have in meeting your ideals.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): Sorry that should have read UK, not USA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): Sorry dear caller, everyone has seem to gotten a little off topic and this thing must be very upsetting for you. We are here to give advice, and advice is what you seem to need. Unfortunately, I don't think you will like what I have to say.
You Present as aged 41-50 (overage) and currently living in the USA. Unfortunately to me you arguements seem to be that of a young child. You speak to your male friends and can't understand why he gets angry and jealous. But you feel offended when he speaks about women that fancy him and want to pick him up. Of course your ex felt jealous, and he also wants you to buck up your ideas and treat him better. You were together for five years, that's a long time. You complain he never made you breakfast, well I'd like to know how did he treat you and what did he give? What have you given to him, how did you try to make him feel good?
Relationship should be about joy, happiness and love. What did you do to make him happy. You texted other guys behind his back, you announced that you were a single woman to the world. What should he think, why shouldn't he get jealous. I would too. Your angry because you know other women want him, has he done anything to make you think that he likes them too, does he cheat? Does he flirt? Why should he get rid of his friends, you haven't, but at least he conducts his business in the open, he dosen't hide it away like you. Why didn't he tell you he went to his ex-wife's house, what do you say about her, how do you feel knowing she is still in his life?
Something about your behaviour drove your boyfriend away, he hardly texts anymore, you hardly have sex, he's not in a hurry to see you anymore... I wonder why that might be. Maybe he's trying to avoid all the arguements, maybe he's become tired of this jealousy game.
Ah well, there's no problem now. You finished with him "due to the way he mistreated me and constantly accused me of cheating". I can see why he thought you might be cheating, but there is nothing to lead me to believe that he mistreated you in anyway.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): Is this insinuation aimed at your x? Are you jealous of one of his kids? If not what has incest got to do with anything? Take my advice and seek help asap. You need someone far more advanced than anything offered here.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): hidden values your just as bad as the anons,you to seem to not want to believe that their is no EX boyfriend never has been,so now you know i was not caught as you put it cheating,and all his x-wife,girlfriends have been constantly in our life,either abusing me and my family on the phone or being in his house almost every time i went there,so pls do not get deeply involved with things you know nothing about,as i only asked for your opinion not your involvement
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): for all aunties and uncles,i would like to clarify that this person that i txt has never been a boyfriend or even x-boyfriend and nobody has even mentioned him being an ex,so before you go writing stuff,pls ensure you have the true facts and not ones you choose to add,also codependant people tend to be passive aggressive and find it impossible to bond in relationships,and struggle all their lives as they wont seek professional help,that also includes father-daughter codependent,where the father see`s his daughter as a substitute for a girlfriend or a wife and its is called emotional incest,very damaging for those involved
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): Excuse me ms. but what is your gripe? He has the nerve to let you know that he can play you your own game? You gave as good as you got. I think you need to buck up your ideas,you texting your ex will have hurt him,unfortunately you are so selfîsh you wouldnt know. You give up your rights when you claimed you was single. I thought it was only men who was like this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): All the ex's are his past your ex is present. There is an important word for you to learn. Look up the word equality.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): I cant understand? If he has got co dependency problems,then he is the victim? Do you know what co dependency is?I would say texting x's while you are with him is cheating. What have his x's got to do with it? Is he not allowed to have them? You text your ex. Not him. You are prepared to say anything to avoid the risk of being exposed.I think you are so up yourself that you are your are plotting your own downfall. For your own sake grow up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): to all you anon aunties,when your just 1 of a long list of x-girlfriends and its all about you cheating even though there is no proof of anything sexual,even the dirty tricks he`s pulled and still comes up with nothing,does it not make you wander who has a problem,all the x`s or this 1 man,its clear to see,why i ended it,he wont accept he`s got real codependant problems all the signs are there.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): just like to say a big thank you to baby duck,as i followed her advice and found some positive information that actualy made me aware of how unaware i was thanks again
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): I know one thing and that is you come across as being totaly oblivious to anything you did. Who in the right mind texts an ex and switches from single to attached at her own convenience? Come on,which guy in the right
Mind would put up with it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): Have you thought that your behavior may have made him the way he is. It looks like he`s the second one who`s behaved in the same way. I cant see that he was like this when you first met him,otherwise you wouldnt have lasted that long. If you dont want to be accused of cheating,dont phone your x and lie. I strongly suspect your not telling the whole story. You have an ability to be single or attached at your own convenience. Of course he will tell you if a woman comes on to him,if he didnt he would be like you. I for some reason suspect you have been caught doing something. Its clear enough to see that you believe you can do what the hell you like,angry that your boyfriend has female friends,while you texting your x is cool. I can say he probably wanted females to be attracted to him because he knew about you and your x,and needed his confidence boosting back up. I think he`s given you a taste of your own medicine. Well,you can always text the x.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): Do you ever stop to look at how self centered you being? You accept what you did,but not what he did. Well,one things i can say is he tells you,which i suspect is probably aimed at making you feel as equaly worthless as you probably made him. On the other hand you keep your texts a secret,which is probably because you did wrong,yet find acceptable. In your world you do what you like as you are single. He evidently hasnt any right to behave in any way similar to you. I think you would benefit from a good dose of self awareness. I know one thing and that is that you will drive any man away,i suggest you change your outlook. Denial,self pity and blame is your problem.You texting your ex,i think would have prompted trying to look attractive,because you made him feel he wasnt,and sorry to say it,i feel you were cheating on him. You cant of held any worth on this man to be texting your ex. When you find someone you really love you will realise.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): It seems by what you say that you are every bit as bad. The only difference is that you see what you do as acceptable. Who has mistreated who here? If you loved this guy with all your heart,then i`m hilary clinton. You are both a mismatch.you have ended it so why are you complaining?
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