A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf is 26, I'm 32. He is very sexual, likes porn, been caught cheating several times. We've broken up and just recently got back together. I've noticed that he seems very uncomfortable watching porn with me, talking about sex, and does not like to have sex with me. We do hug, kiss and show affection to one another. I was surprised to find out about his cheating because he does not last very long and sometimes he is insecure about his performance. When he cheated he used a make enhancement pill to last longer. I try to spice things up in case he is bored but I have no luck with that. Whenever I mention or try to initiate sex, he changes the subject and try to just talk. Anyone know what the issue could be? Thanks any advice would be helpful
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTyvm for the responses. I am no longer with him for reasons other than sex and cheating. Any advice on moving forward FOR GOOD and co-parenting
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think the quality of we should make or break a relationship. If that's the case after the first time I would've kicked him to the curb. Everyone's focusing on him cheating. I even feel bad for him in that situation. It has to take a lot for him to even have the courage to put himself in a situation to be embarrassed. His poor performance is hurtful to him. To answer a question he has looked into ways to help him with his premature ejaculation in the past.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2017): You clearly care about this guy. Sex is important to a relationship, so you should work on this... I think your best bet would be to try and get him to a therapist with you, hopefully one who can talk about sex issues with the both of you.
Have you looked into ways for him to last longer? The classic is switching positions, but I think there are others. Also, if you have a bad time in bed, I would wait and talk to him about it a day or two later.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 August 2017):
 So not only is he NOT fulfilling your sexual needs he has also cheated on you. Doesn't sounds like he is a great match for you.
The fact that he will RATHER not have sex with you than having to put in EFFORT for sex to be enjoyable for you shows that he really doesn't CARE about your needs.You get what HE gives. If he can't keep an erection for more than 3 minutes then he could have used mouth and or hands first so that you didn't just get a 3-minute hump.
And because you QUESTIONED the quality of his EFFORT when it comes to sex he went out and cheated? How is that even logical? Or how is that OK?
You are 32, OP and settling for a guy who WON'T satisfy you, who cheats on you and what... CRIES when told the truth about his performance?
I think you believe that because you have stuck it out so long with him and invested so much time you HAVE to stay with him. But YOU have ONE life, OP. Is this the partner you want for this life? Is this the sex life you want?
Going by his and your logic, why aren't YOU cheating? If you aren't getting what you want at home?
(not saying that you should cheat but that seems to be the logic of your post)
If you are NOT satisfied OVERALL and sex included then accept that he might NOT be for you. That if you want a GOOD and ACTIVE sex life as well as a faithful partner HE isn't it.
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (3 August 2017):
Well, now with the extra information you provided, it seems that your BF has premature ejaculation problem, which it's causing him a lot of anxiety.
The only person that can help him overcome that problem is a health professional.
I used to last a very short time when having sex with my GF. Mostly because I'm not circumcised, and my tip is extremely sensitive to any kind of friction. Over the time and lot's of practice, I'm able to last longer (1 hour), although not with a full pump motion.
That problem your BF haves is very frustrating if you suffer it. But that's not an excuse for cheating though.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2017): Cheating is never justified. There is never a valid reason for it. So get that out of your head. If you're not happy with the partner you have, you breakup with them first. Then go out looking for whatever it is you need.
Not keep one person thinking you're in a committed-relationship; while you go out hopping into bed with random people. Risking STD's and showing your partner just how much you disrespect them; and/or how little you care about trust and commitment.
Your boyfriend sucks in bed. Because he doesn't care! He just wants to get-off, and that's that. You're trying to apply reason where it doesn't exist; and justify the fact you have kept him this long, when you should have dumped him seven years ago. SEVEN YEARS?!!! Seriously?!!
You have wasted all that time on a cheating jerk who sucks in bed? He's just a bad-habit. Old habits are hard to break. I recommend going cold-turkey. Purge him completely from your system. You're complacent and dependent. Holding on to what exactly? Tell us...what???
Just pack-up and leave, or pack his things and show him the door. If both of you are on a lease, let it run-out; while you look for a new place.
Dump him, and you will be surprised how relieved and at peace you'd feel. You wrote your post out of pure frustration. I think you're already at that point. You need a little push?
PUSH!!!
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (3 August 2017):
 But he doesn't care about you though.
He cheats on you. End of. You don't do that to someone you care about. Stop making excuses for his cheating his cheating as you're basically enabling him and saying he has a valid reason for it.
That is a lame ass excuse. If you can't last long in bed then that's unfortunate, but how will fucking other people whilst in a relationship fix it?
Please grow a back bone and dump this waste of space.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was thinking he cheated because he was insecure about his performance and needed validation so he slept around. It was a time period where he got caught with a few women. I broke it off and he decided to get his act together and has been the best version of himself since that I saw in the 7yrs we've been together, with the exception of the sex part. The sex issue been the same from the start. If it was bad and didn't last past the 3 minutes, I let him know and he would cry or get hurt. When you care for someone you don't let bad sex get in the way. I thought it was too much pressure to perform well in bed so he stayed away from sex with me. Where if he had one night stands he probably didn't care what they thought of his performance because they'd never see him again.
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male
reader, Riot2017 +, writes (2 August 2017):
If he has cheated you before many times, he will do it many times more in the future.
He is not being honest with you about his reasons of not wanting to have sex with you, so you should confront him and find out what's up with him. You are his partner, and you need and deserve to know what's wrong with him.
There is no way of knowing what's wrong with him, unless you ask him.
If after talking with him, and giving your best to spice things up your guy does not want to improve that aspect of your relationship, you should reconsider that relationship, since that's a clear case of sexual compatibility.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 August 2017):
I'd be more concerned that you keep taking him back after cheating than why he won't have sex with you.
Do you have any self respect or so you usually let people walk all over you? Surely you can find someone who treats you as you ought to be in a relationship?
Dump this bum
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2017): Dump him once and for all, and find a new boyfriend. You're having a disagreement over the same problems and now it's come to the point of antagonism. You're trying to change him and force him to want you.
You don't beat a dead horse, you bury him. Your ego is insulted by his cheating; because you feel he has to validate you by being attracted to you sexually. If he isn't attracted to you, you feel inadequate and undesirable. You feel jealous he is attracted to other women.
The guy is a cheater and a lousy lay. If you've gotten back together, just by your post, I can tell it's because you relentlessly went after him until he gave in. Now it's back to the same old mess. If he was the one who initiated the reconciliation, it was for convenience. You take care of him. He couldn't find anyone willing to put-up with him.
The advice is...dump him! This time, for good!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2017): At this point why would you care what his issue is. He's cheated on you several times, won't talk with you about this and is uncomfortable in general with anything sex related to you.
Why are you still with him? He's not worth your time. Find someone you are sexually compatible with, someone who appreciates you as a beautiful sexual woman.
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