A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend doesn't want to go out on weekends and just stay in and lounge around and have sex all weekend. He says he's tired as works all week but I'm getting bored not going out with him and I feel every time I bring up the subject it becomes a argument I just don't know what to do
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 January 2019):
 Ah, so you only see him weekends and all he wants to do is have sex...
While I GET that he works hard Mon-Fri and want to chill on weekends... I can see why you feel there isn't MUCH to this relationship besides sex.
So you have to consider if THIS is enough for you.
And you might want to bring it up to him too that you would like to DO things OTHER than JUST sex and since you only see each other on weekends, maybe make every other Saturday a day out. If he is willing to compromise, maybe there is a future here. Because 2 Saturdays (or Sundays) a week is NOT too much to ask for. He still gets 2 Saturdays and 4 Sundays to veggie out and have sex.
If he doesn't... well again... THEN you have to consider if THIS is enough for you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2019): Ah! You've added that you only see him at the weekend. That changes things a little!
Manual labour is tough work, some of it really tough, so don't think he's lying about that. Thing is, regardless of everything that's said here, he is entitled to do what he wants with his time off. Is that selfish? A little. But you are entitled to be as selfish and do what you want with your weekend.
Does he want to ever do other stuff with you, or is it really just sex? Do you see him ever wanting to do what you want or even making some effort? If you don't think so, then call it a day. If nothing else, it'll scare him into trying. If he's happy to let the world pass him by, let it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2019): Typo corrections:
"Oops, that last one was my boyfriend!"
"If you like it and you know it, put a [blank] on it!"
(As in Beyonce!) You do know the American singer-songwriter?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2019): He's a sex-machine, couch-potato, and a homebody. You're an explorer, fun-lover, and a dancing-queen. How ever did you meet?
He's got no energy after a hard week. Consider the differences in your jobs and compare energy-levels.
He may need a change in diet to increase his energy.
I'll give you a few reasons he might not like going out with you. Some will miss the mark entirely, some you may have never considered, and some will hit the nail on the head.
He's cheap. He makes the excuse he's tired; because he doesn't want to spend the money.
He hates your friends.
You hate his friends.
You're insecure. You get irritated when he glances at other women, or if they take notice of him. You fuss over how you look, and try to dress him according to your taste. He hates it.
He's insecure. He doesn't stay in shape, or he's losing his hair; or most of the guys he sees when you go out have gym-bodies. He feels intimidated by other guys who seem more successful. He feels old and doesn't enjoy the things you guys did when you met. He hates how other guys look at you.
You'll pick-out his clothes, but he doesn't like getting dressed-up.
You're vicious when you're tipsy.
You keep count of his drinks.
You criticize him too much, and he gets embarrassed when you correct him in-front of people; or correct his table-manners. He could be ashamed of his manners; or hates the kind of places you like to go out. They're too uppity for his taste. He likes dives and bars. Like his buddies like!
He's only sociable around his friends, but he doesn't like yours; or doing the couple's thing with other couples.
He just loves your body. You always smell good, you're pretty, and your body is an amusement park! He simply enjoys sex with you so much; that he works all week just so he can get home to enjoy being with you all weekend. Doing nothing and pretending you're both the only two people in the world.
Opps, that last one was my boyfriend!
I think you ought to sit down and workout a compromise. If you like dancing, restaurants, clubbing, or movies; they all require you to spend a considerable amount of money. Maybe he is pinching pennies; because he plans to make a major purchase of some sort. Something that sometimes they call a "girl's best friend." "If you like and you know it, put a [blank] on it!" I'm just say'n!
You might have to barter or make an exchange that might peak his interest. Spark a challenge. Have him make-out a list of things he wants and would gladly exchange for a night-out every other week. Write them down on slips of paper. Seven wishes each.
Write-down the things you want. Fold them, and put them in two bowls. Then while blind-folded, each one of you pick one slip from your bowl. He has to do what you want; and you have to do what he wants. It can't be painful or sick.
If anybody fails to meet their promise; they have to do the household-chores and cleaning for a week. They will also have to give-up one of their favorite things for that entire week. It can be a food, activity, or habit.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2019): I do go out all week by myself or with friends whilst he's at work. But I only see him on weekends so I expect more than just sex all weekend with him its hard because he has a manual job but still I can't sort this problem
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 January 2019):
While staying in and having sex can be fun for a weekend or two, I can definitely see why you would like to add MORE adventure, shared memories and activities to the relationship.
So, if he wants to stay in and you want to go out, time to call your female friends and go out. Or venture out on your own and so something. Join a hiking group (if you are into that) or spend some hours at the museum. Sure, you wanted to do these things WITH him, but he doesn't want to. Doesn't mean you can't do them by yourself or with friends and family.
If you start doing little day trips by yourself and stop nagging him to do them with you, he might actually feel that HE should go with you.
There is more to a relationship than lounging around and having sex all weekend.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2019): I'm kind of in the exact opposite situation as you. I'm a guy who loves to get out there after a tough week's work. My wife? Sofa, all weekend.There is no simple solution. You could convince him to do something with you sometimes, but it's not fair to demand all his weekend/weekends. See if you can make an agreement, one day/weekend- go away. The next day/weekend, stay in. Explain that you need to get out of the house sometimes and you'd really like to do your favourite things with him, in the same way he wants to do his favourite things with you. You could compromise over it. (I do advise that if you do manage to compromise, and he does the things you like without complaint- don't start thinking he's changed his mid and now likes it- instead thank him for his efforts. If he does change his mind he'll let you know... that's from personal experience!)If he really doesn't want to, then just start going out. Find some friends and do the things you want. People are not as compatible as the magazines would have you believe, but that doesn't mean they can't be in a relationship.My wife and I? Well: I don't like TV, she does. I love history, she doesn't. I like music x, she likes music y. I like hiking and cycling, she likes lunches and prosecco. Sometimes I'll do what she likes- but only sometimes- and sometimes she'll do what I like- but only sometimes. Instead, we put more positivity into those thing we do enjoy doing together: sex, going out for dinner, occasional weekends away. The fact we do some many different things gives us something to talk about, if nothing else!
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