A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is German who lives in another Asian country. I am Asian also lives in another country few hours by air, not his.We met while he was travelling in my country.He told me he fell in love with me at the first sight. Long distance relationship is such a hard but we could corp very well. He is very charming and faithful. We talk almost every day, most of the contacts are from his side. I feel he loves me. Over 2 years he came to visit me very often.He even requested me to introduce him to my parents. So I did. He started to talking "marriage" and cohabit. I think he is serious about our furture despite he doesn't get exact idea how we should built life together yet. He would often said like "I wish you could be here with me" But when I said I want to visit where he lives now for work after 1 year past. He didn't look happy rather nervous. He said he has no root in the town where he lives then he doesn't understand why I want to visit!!. But I said I am curious as a girlfriend. Eventually he agreed my visit. While I was staying in his town,sometimes he looked very nervous for another European and local Asian girls couples in the town. Most of them are mid-age European guys and young local girls..well..."benefit" relationship, not like us. We are not like them. We share expense, no trouble to anywhere with our passport. He is 7 years younger than me(I am 33 years) He said he dislike these local girls because they think staying with white European is just status and chance to get out their country, no emotion for love. All his elder colleagues have external affair with young local girls and thinks themselves as "hero" and status. Also he said he hates to see them. I was somehow happy to see he has strong/appropriate ethics.I said I stay and bear with long distance relationship because I love him. However,I was very confused why he is not happy to see me where he lives and sad for kept on talking about this issue. OK I could accept his frustration living such a harsh place. Anyhow, We could spent peacful days in the town where he works and lives. He started to calm day and day finally seemed little relaxed. The last day (He tried to my stay shorter as possible he could and tried to go to HK by train with me, but I didn't agree) he started to cry and even complained my leaving back to my country! He wanted to me to stay more!! So What he was so scared before? I was in real confuse. Later, he came to visit me sevral times, also he started to talking about furture, SO finally I said I want to visit to Germany for a vacation before talking about furture, I want to meet his family like he wanted. I didn't think it is a strange request since he even said he wants me to come to his company for trial basis to live together. His face was freezed and just say with very cold voice "You can come to visit with me anytime but I myself go back to Germany a week in a year. Schedule doesn't match. All my family and friends know about you very well. I showed them more than 100 of photos, and talked about you most of the time" I know he is not lieing. Finally He said even "My homtown in Germany is poorer than your city!" I even asked how does introducing girlfrined to his family in Germany. His answer was "it is usual" ...so why not??Does he feel comfortable while he is travelling with me? or in long distance?I felt he is frighten. I feel if I push, he will choose separation, or emotionally explode. Another rest, he is very kind, romantic, faituful, calm, loving travel, bit shy...very good with me.I can appreciate most of the things what he gives me, attention, time spending, content of talking etc. I don't want to force or encourage him to change himself as possible I can. But I feel frustration for this situation. I don't know how to change my feeling too. I cannot feel I am accepted. If he is not serious with me, why he wanted to meet my parents? I told him and he agreed my parents do not want to listen it is a short term or casual relationship. No necessary to talk about marriage plan yet but he has to think about furture at least with me. But I have no idea how to grow this relationship without being involved in his life.Also I feel it is unfair. I don't know about so much German culture. But he told me when he was young, he often took his ex-gifriend to his house where his mother lives too.I've been questioning to myself and cannot stop :Am I too much demanding? :He thinks my ethnicity(Asian) humiliate in Europe? :He doesn't trust me because I am Asian? :Introducing me is too heavy responsiblity for him right now? :Am I a convinient girl? :If he is too scared to expose his life to me, what should I do for this relationship? Finally the biggest question is how much I shuold believe this guy's speech about marriage and furture?
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affair, fell in love, his ex, long distance, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear
Thanks.
I am confused...I said to him I am upset then we decided to take few days distance.
Few days later, He said he loves me and sad and lonely now....But seems he has no intention to get back together..
Guessing perhaps he cannot decide anything....I wonder what should I do...
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 Then I would say he cannot handle the distance. Not everyone can in international relationships..And that's his problem not yours, your Asian and your gorgeous. I know guys who only date Asian women! Asians are so intelligent, witty, have exotic features, keen fashion sense, and even though I dont understand a thing when they speak their native tongue..its just so interesting to hear, and inspires me to learn more about other cultures. In other words, you can have whoever you want!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear tennisstar88
Thank you so much for encourage me.
I must tell you last night event what happened that made me so depressed.
He send me email to break up with me. He said he cannot handle his pressure. Also he blamed some of my behavior in the past that could resolved in that time...
He said he loves me and still want to be together but "we are in too different world".....
I don't know how to tell....I guess he is so afraid of confrontation.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 August 2010):
No ur not too demanding
If he's serious about you and wants marriage then he'll take u to meet his parents.
Never ever question ur heritage! Ur Asian and honey ur exotic!!! Other parts of the world men desire u.
Introducing u to his family is a big step and we may want to go slow.
No ur not too convenient of a girl bc he has to travel to see you, so he does love u very much.
I think he's afraid of what you will think of his country bc it is not as rich as ur country. He sounds a lil ashamed of where he is from which he shouldnt be. He may be afraid you will judge and decide to leave him bc of his not so rich back ground.
If he travels to u and back and forth he loves u and I think he does want to marry u. Tell him u want to meet his family it does not matter if they are rich or poor u will still love him and his family regardless. As always good luck!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 August 2010):
No ur not too demanding
If he's serious about you and wants marriage then he'll take u to meet his parents.
Never ever question ur heritage! Ur Asian and honey ur exotic!!! Other parts of the world men desire u.
Introducing u to his family is a big step and we may want to go slow.
No ur not too convenient of a girl bc he has to travel to see you, so he does love u very much.
I think he's afraid of what you will think of his country bc it is not as rich as ur country. He sounds a lil ashamed of where he is from which he shouldnt be. He may be afraid you will judge and decide to leave him bc of his not so rich back ground.
If he travels to u and back and forth he loves u and I think he does want to marry u. Tell him u want to meet his family it does not matter if they are rich or poor u will still love him and his family regardless. As always good luck!
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