A
female
age
30-35,
*doresdior
writes:hey so, my bf and I go to school together and we have 2 classes together. It really bugs me because I'm really serious about school like I'm always studyingand trying to get really good grades, but my bf on the other hand would rather play video games all day than study. He does his homework cuz he has to but it just stupid that I don't have anyone to study with and he never does any of the readings. I find myself being kinda naggy and that's not what I want at all but it's really hard to ignore. What should I do? Everytime I say something about him not doing anything for school he get all defensive with an attitude, and I know if someone really doesn't want to do something there's nothing you can do, but if I don't say anything it eats me up! It frustrates me so much, but it's his education not mine. Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks!!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 "I find myself being kinda naggy and that's not what I want at all but it's really hard to ignore"
Find a new boyfriend who is up to your level. Life is too short to be in a relationship with a man who is your total opposite and who you in the end will just lose respect for.
Find someone who takes his studies seriously. I think laziness is a real turn off. You're not his mother, you shouldn't have to be nagging on him for him to manage his responsibilities.
If you wont leave him at least leave his studying habits alone. You wont get nowhere with nagging on him. Just let his studies rot, he's the one wh is responsible for his education, not you. If this is what he chooses then so be it.
But personally... well, I've been in relationships with men who studied. One flunked 3 times because he rather spent his time playing World of Warcraft. He was a gaming addict. The next boyfriend was dumb. He studied, but he didn't get good grades, and he failed the same subject some 3-4 times, even though it wasn't a mandatory subject. As you can guess, I didn't have much respect for his intelligence at the end of that relationship.
Another man I was with didn't study, but has a habit of chickening out of every challenge given to him, and not finishing what he starts. And you guessed right: it makes me lose respect for him as well. If I put myself in friendship mode I can accept these things in a friend. But I want an EQUAL as a partner. You know you and him are not equals, you're way above him. And you'll end up losing respect for him and the relationship wont survive because of it. Sorry to be so negative, but it's just my experience.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): "My boyfriend does not study and it bugs me, what can I do to motivate him?"
Nothing.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 March 2012):
 The key phrase in your submittal is this one: "...but it's his education not mine."
IF he chooses to NOT study... and IF that results in his failure at those studies... then SCREW HIM!!!! He's NOT "your problem"......
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 March 2012):
 Sorry but there's not much you can do. He has to decide to want to study on his own or he won't do it. Some unmotivated people will respond well to positive encouragement (aka bribery), you could try that. But bugging him about it will almost certainly make him less likely to study.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 March 2012):
 Go find yourself a study group to study with... it's never a good idea to lock yourself into one person to do everything with anyway.
You are not his mother and he has to be a grown up about school... if he's not, there is not much you can do... motivation has to come from within for this sort of thing.
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