A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my bf recently shifted to my city.its been 4months since he is in my city.earlier we were in a long distance relationship since 3 years.my bf planned out for a movie with his guy friends and he didnt invite me! this was really shocking for me.when i asked why,he said i cant watch every new movie with you.i felt very bad.if he wanted he could have taken me but he ignored me.i m feeling very much upset.he called to meet me before he goes for a movie but i denied as i was feeling very bad.he lives 5 min away from my hostel.am i overreacting?
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (9 December 2012):
 Well if hes being verbqlly abusive and is making up excuses then I would leave before it escalates.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe calls me bi**h,pros*****e etc etc.he said he couldnt stop because he has been raised in such an environment.he says u can also say me.he also said he is trying hard to control.i dont know what to do.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 December 2012):
 So, if you hang out with guy friends , and he does not object and leaves you your space, ...you really have no justification for making such a big fuss when he wants to see a movie with his friends.
The abuse is a different issue, and abuse is never right . But it depends from what really happened. What do you mean exactly by " he abused me badly " ?
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (7 December 2012):
If you insist on smothering him 24/7, he wont want to be your bf for very long. He has interests besides you and independent of you, as he should.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2012):
 today he got mad at you and abused you
why did he get mad and how did he abuse you?
see this is why I say LDRs are not real till you spend a decent amount of time together IRL
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (7 December 2012):
I think you are overreacting a bit. He doesnt have to do everything with you, It is important for both of you to spend a bit of time apart and spend time with your friends. If its happening all the time then you have a problem, but you should do things without each other every now and then otherwise you will and up suffocating each other and pushing your friends away. Make sure you dont let this relationship get between you and your friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe said he wont listen to me everytime. i dont go out with girls but i go out with guys alone.he doesnt say anything to me and gives me space.but today he got angry on me and abused me badly.is this right???
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2012):
I think you are over-reacting.
he's right.. he cannot do everything with you. He has other friends and has the rights and needs to see them too.
he went out with the guys and didn't want his gf tagging along. don't you go out with your girlfriends and not want the guys around now and then?
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (7 December 2012):
 Unfortunately men (and women) need their own space with their own friends sometimes and while it sometimes makes little or no sense to NOT do something with you when they are so close, it is often important in any relationship to give eachother some breathing room.
He might have had plans to see the movie for some time with his friends and he might be getting just as much of a telling off if he were to take you along when he is supposed to be spending time with a friend!
I do think you perhaps overreacted a little as he did try to put it right by trying to meet up with you to, but he is right, he can't (or shouldn't have to) spend every moment or movie with you - but it would still be nice to be asked!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 December 2012):
Yes, it's a bit of an overreaction.. Unless it was a movie that you had planned to see together,... or the kind of movie he knows you are crazy about and can't miss.... otherwise , so for once he organized a movie nights with guy friends, big deal. Maybe it was a typical " guy movie " and he thought you would not be interested, and anyway, he is right, if he makes time every now and then for doing something on his own , or with his friends, it does not mean that he does not love you . I imagine you too don't ask him to tag along when you go window shopping with your girkfriends, or to do your nails at the beauty salon.
If you feel though that he needs to check with you first before making any plan with his friends, you need to tell him, and to make it a rule in your relationship : no social plans ever without checking with the partner first. You can't blame him for breaking a rule that he did not even know existed.
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A
female
reader, Radhika Arora +, writes (7 December 2012):
 Listen, yes, this is over-reaction. You should understand that your boyfriend has friends and also has a life apart from you. He wanted to spend some time alone with friends without you. Accept it, you don't give him enough space. The reason for his rude behaviour is your questioning. Dear, he just wants to spend time with his friends too and you cannot accompany him everywhere, you know. Just relax and give him enough space. Without space a relationship cannot stand still. You are his girlfriend and spending some time with his friends doesn't really make him forget you. I hope this helps. Take care.
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