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age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Hello,I kinda feel bad because I feel that my boyfriend of about a year and a half only cries to make me feel bad or to win an argument when it's about something serious. It's like he only cries when it would be believeable but I just get a strange feeling he only wants me to feel bad. Should I confront him about it or just leave it alone? I'm not going to leav him cuz I care deeply for him bit I don't know what to do about how I feel about this. Also the age on this is wrong I'm 18. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): I think that you should bring it up once it has happened, like when you two are talking about a serious issue and come to a conclusion. It may be that he's doing it just to make you feel bad, like others have said, or he actually feels that way. I, for one, am like that. I don't mean to start crying when me and my girlfriend talk about a serious issue but I can't help to feel so bad for what I'm making her go through because I know she doesn't deserve it and it kills me. He might be like that, but you won't know the exact reason for why he's doing that if you don't ask. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): Oh dear, My dad is in his late fifties and he still puts on those puppy dog eyes to get his way and unfortunately it seems to have worked well for him all these years; his acting skills have only gotten sharper...LOL I am afraid some people never grow out of these regression mechanisms, especially if they like to be on center-stage a lot. I guess it's your call...what is your drama crap endurance barrier?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): I think it might help to try and talk to him about this, and tell him how it makes you feel when he cries. If you feel he is doing it to make you feel bad, then maybe you could try and explain to him that you would prefer it if you could both avoid becoming overly emotional, and you would like to talk about the issue calmly instead.
If it doesn't help though, or if you can't talk to him about it, then maybe you could try some different strategies. So, if he starts to cry and you start to feel bad, maybe you could say something like, "Okay, I can see you are becoming upset, so I think we should both get some space and talk about this later when we are both feeling calmer." He might start to realise that his tears are not going to produce the desired effect, and he may see it is not worth him trying to make you feel bad, as it won't work. Other than that, I think you may need to try and stay strong and not allow his tears to affect you. I know that must be really difficult though.
However, he could just be a really sensitive person, and may not realise how he is making you feel when he cries. So discussing it with him might help. Or maybe you could try and find different ways of resolving conflicts, so that no one becomes upset. Like what I suggested about taking a break until things have calmed down, for example. Either way, it can't be pleasant for you to feel bad when you have a disagreement with him, so hopefully if you try and explain this to him he might try and remain more calm and neutral during disagreements. I hope something here helps. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): I used to actually do this haha, but instead of confronting him don't bother, don't make it into such a big thing, that could lead to more arguments. If you still do want to know then I would suggest just asking him in a normal manner and make it as if it isn't a big thing to be talking about.
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