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female
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,Well, i have been with my boy friend for almost 2 years now, we argue and fight alot, but at the same time we love one another.today i was upset and he was not helping at all, not listening to me or caring about what i was saying and that made me more upset and it was showing,i tried to make him understand but he wont and i know he is a type of a guy who likes me always calm and i should be fine all the time and treat him as he wish without complaning,i do and i do love him and make love to him alot more than i can say and he is satisfied with me in this matter.however, onse he gets upset with me he leaves me and go out even if i beg him to stay ( which i do all the time and i wish i dont ), i love him soo much and i know he loves me too,he has plans with me to live together but i dont know what to do!!he confuses me alot and he wont like to sit and discuss any issue, he gets bug so fast from my normal talk.i love him so much and i cant live without him, he is my best and only friend.i feel like the walls will close on me and cant breath and he is now upset and dont wanna see me or talk to me and i didnt do any wrong to him.yesterday was his birthday and i gave him a romantic night of passion and love, cook him dinner, massage and more..help me please, am sorry for the long question. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): Do you think it's possible that he doesn't see your upset inthe same way? Some people take things personally. if you are upset and cry, you might just want a hug and a cup of tea. he might think you are saying it's his fault and he has to sort it out. I have found that with my boyfriend. after a row when he seems to have been so mean, when i;m upset and he's shoutingat me/storming out... it turns out he read 'between the lines' and interpreted my upset as an attack on him. they say men are literal and women who read into things - in our relationship it's the opposite!!so you might try being very very clear when you're unhappy exactly whose fault it is ie not his - and say 'i'd like a hug' or ' i just want to tell someone about it' and then maybe he will feel more comfortable and not go off in a mood. well - it might work! good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): You Sound very desperate and needy. You need to have the strength to be smarter than he is and raise higher. You shouldn't let his lack of attention bother you, as you will only be asking for more hurting. You may possibly be in an emotionally abusive relationship.You say he loves you but he doesnt listen to you or hear our your problems? And hes not willing to discuss? It sounds like hes not in love then, if he isnt willing to work things out with you. This is where the term "girl power" comes in to place- you need to become independent of this guy and show him how much self respect you have and leave. That is the only way he can beg you to come back. He sounds manipulative, and at the same time however you need to take control and see how you are just reacting to him. Do something for yourself and take a break- learn a hobby reconnect with some past girl friends and get out of there. If you dont respect yourself, a man wont respect you either. Make the best decision for yourself and the relationship and take time away. Hope that helps!
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