A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Let me just get to the point (this is a long one!).. I love my boyfriend of a year very much and I know he feels the same but 'secretly' (I guess is the word I could use) he makes me have low self-esteem. Before I met him, I was very down on myself in my looks and my body. I hate my pale skin and my body isn't womanly (I have a small butt and small boobs). But when I met him, the first few months he would tell me he loved me, how beautiful I was and that I was perfect. As time goes along though, he says it less and I am beginning to think that he is not very attracted to me to begin with. He told me the other day I needed to get a tan. He has told me before that I really should paint my (or get fake) fingernails and toenails because they aren't sexy regualarly. He doesnt say I am fat but the other day he made a comment about me looking like I weigh more than him (I am 5'8, about 140). It really gets me depressed because I know the kind of girl he is attracted to- petite, short, dark/tanned skinned, brown eyes, while I am tall, blonde hair, pale skin and blue eyes. He still tells me he loves me and he can see himself marrying me but I dont know if I can deal with my low self esteem due to him.It really gets on my nerves when we are out and he spots his 'type' of girl and he just stares at her or even looks at me and says she is hot. His ex looked just like his 'dream' girl so I also am always try to keep up with that. I try to get a tan, try to do my nails, try to dress sexy but it is all just really bringing me down like I am not good enough...Overall I just want some advice on what I should do. Should I tell him how I feel? Should I just keep quiet and see what happens, if it should get worse? I love him very much so I dont want to leave him, but if it gets to a bad point I will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): oh honey, if a guy is more concerned about how you look rather than the effect he is putting(obviously) on your well being, you need to do the DUMP Take your strengtha nd find a guy who loves you for you no matter your looks.I have hte same self image problem and he is hindering you front finding the guy who does repsect you( but first you need to show the guys that you respect yourself.) If you are insecure, you will attract guys who like any kind of woman( thus a player type) But get out and do things for yourself- learn a hobby or meet back up with the lost girl friends and dont even worry about guys. Many girls make the mistake of thinking they need men to feel beautiful or happy but they are wrong. All you need is yourself to feel beautiful.Learn an instrument, cook a wonderful meal for your family or your girlfriends and do things to enjoy youself, so by the time you do meet a respectable guy down the road, he will love you for the talents and personality you have ( as well as your looks.) Seriously, it may be hard to move on but it is very very very worth it to your well being. Love yourself and you fill find others that really love you... other wise you will be stuck watching your man tell you that other girls are hotter. And you shouldnt have to change for a man. its not cool. Well I hope this helps!
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