A
female
age
41-50,
*odye4_24
writes:Okay, so this is my first time doing this. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. We have had our ups and downs like any normal couple. Over the last 2 years I have noticed a huge decline in his yearning for me. And with each passing day a bigger decline! Roughly a few weeks ago he wouldn't even touch me, sure, maybe an awkward kiss here and there but that is it. For 18 days no sex. Then mysteriously he slithered over to my side of the bed and made some advances for it. The next day things were as they were normally. When we went to bed he made a few snide remarks towards me because I stated I was tired and he wanted sex! So I helped him out by using my hand and promised him the next night we would be intimate! He was happy with the outcome and said okay. In the morning I knew he was awake but I was slightly out of it still. But all of a sudden I jerked up and looked in his direction... I noticed he had an erection and he jerked very suddenly as though to try and make me think he was only scratching himself. He sat up really fast and with out thinking I said can you please put your hand on my lower back (the pressure helps with my sore back) he replied "I have to go pee first" So he went to the bathroom and was gone for a while, when he came back in the room, he immediately got dressed and said I can't lay anymore. So I jumped out of bed super fast and went straight for the bathroom, and as gross as this may be, as I assumed there was no foul smell to hint that he actually went for a poo. I went pee and as I went to move my foot to stand back up I noticed something slimy on the floor... you guessed it...semen! I haven't said anything to him about it because this was an issue a few years ago. He would often "get himself off" but the problem now is that he does this and doesn't have a sex drive for me anymore... back then he wanted me every night! Now I'm lucky if he touches me once in a month! So it has been 3 days since we were suppose to have sex and he has masturbated. Today I had the pleasure of waking to him doing it again, only he didn't stay in bed doing it, he went straight for the bathroom knowing I was surely awake. He was in there for a very long time. The only difference was he had to take a shower because he was heading to work right away. So I got out of bed just in time to hear the water turning on and I knocked and said I have to use the bathroom, he got mad and came out naked... So I was able to gain a little peak and he did have an erection. There was no foul smell again... So my question is, why is he doing this? I told him last night that I feel as though he doesn't want me touching him and that I feel like he thinks I'm disgusting or something? An example, at night when he moves, if he touches me, it's like he realizes he's touching me and he jerks away. He responded "I'm trying to sleep, can you ask me questions during the day" I sneered and said sure, I just asked something now though but don't worry about it, I'll just go to sleep with this bugging me. And sure enough he tossed and turned for about 40 minutes ignoring me and then fell asleep. He did what he did this morning and then asked me what was wrong because I seemed grumpy. He never addressed any of my questions from last night. I am at a loss! Please somebody help me!
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female
reader, todye4_24 +, writes (30 September 2010):
todye4_24 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for the double post everyone!! :) I would like to add that I also feel very alone. He never wants to talk, and this isn't a recent thing... He has been like this right from the beginning! He shuts down, he is only capable of telling me he loves me, no sweet pick me up gestures like a flower just because or a kiss because he wanted to say "I Love You". I tell him these things and he replies, "I don't know". He kisses me and I get that warm feeling but it is quickly taken away and leaves me needing more but to no avail! He knows how I feel and how insecure I can get sometimes yet nothing changes?! Is he that confident in his love for me that he feels everything will be fine? Is this a possibility? Please help, any advice is good advice. Thanks in advance
A
female
reader, todye4_24 +, writes (30 September 2010):
todye4_24 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice LittleJon86 and confessyourmess! It really is a hard situation for me to figure out! There is so much information still missing from what I have already divulged! I do know he still loves me but I have been beaten (not physically) down before and read the signs wrong. I just wanna have faith in him to do the right thing and it is so hard. Hard not wondering wth is happening to us, whats going on in his head... So much doubt and fear! Is it possible we have reached a comfortable plateau where things are just the way they are...is it suppose to feel like this when you have reached that point of comfort and knowledge that this is it for life? We will be together until we die? Our contentedness is just that...a perfect state of content?
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A
female
reader, todye4_24 +, writes (29 September 2010):
todye4_24 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice LittleJon86 and confessyourmess! It really is a hard situation for me to figure out! There is so much information still missing from what I have already divulged! I do know he still loves me but I have been beaten (not physically) down before and read the signs wrong. I just wanna have faith in him to do the right thing and it is so hard. Hard not wondering wth is happening to us, whats going on in his head... So much doubt and fear! Is it possible we have reached a comfortable plateau where things are just the way they are...is it suppose to feel like this when you have reached that point of comfort and knowledge that this is it for life? We will be together until we die? Our contentedness is just that...a perfect state of content?
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A
female
reader, confessyourmess  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 there could be multiple reasons to why he'd behave this way. in this case you say that he wanted you every night. think about this; if you were to have sex with the same person most nights for a long period it may not seem to be as 'special' or 'interesting' because you've become used to it. maybe he wants a break, be celibate for a short time and when the sex begins again he could become mindblown as he could of forgotten what it was really like and then he'd be yearning to YOU; not vice versa.
Hope I helped.
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