A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:I need some helps. Me and my boyfriend have recently been back in a relationship together. First time we were together for about a year and a half (first 3 months he cheated on me). We broke up for 5 months and in that time he had sex with a girl who goes to college with me and is in my class.Ok well the problem is that he expects me to have got over wht he did and doesnt understand why im still upset and conerned about some girls he hangs around.Yesterday I confronted him about him recieving a LOT of texts from girls almost daily. I told him I dont trust him and he needs to start getting my trust back ad by having all these girls texting him doesnt progress that. Ive been concerned more, because the girls hes texting are girls he used to fancy. especially one girl called 'A', who he also sees quite often now. I dont believe in being a complete control freak, but have been tempted to tell him not to see her again. Instead I compromised and told him not to text her or them when Im around and if they text him, to tell them that hes with me and he wil text them later.Ive tried expining to him, that i will not get over that insident with him having sex with that girl. becuase at the same time he ws leading me on and getting my hopes up thinking he still liked me. so he was using me and screwing her.what i relly need is a gooood thing to say to him or even do to make him understand that he needs to be the one to make me feel i can trust him again. He tells me its my problem.help.....xxxxx
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female
reader, Charlotte_qh +, writes (18 February 2010):
I love my boyfriend......but it gave me nightmares. Please don't be so naughty dear boyfriends. Please don't kill all my dreams. Just wanna be happy with you, Hon.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): Hi Skees,
Sorry to hear that. Ask yourself a question: Do you both want the same thing?
It sounds to me like you want to be in a relationship where you feel valued, cherrished, safe and paid attention to.
He is right now in a stage where he wants to meet women, flirt with them, receive THEIR attention, see how far he can get with each of them, while having a "steady girlfriend" as a sure thing.
You both have a right to want what you want and to do what you want to do. Is he happily and willingly giving you what you want? Are you doing that for him?
If any of those answers is no, it's not fair for any of you to be in such relationship, no matter how much you care about and are attracted to each other. You'll only feel more hurt and he'll feel more annoyed.
Sorry if this is harsh or hurts, but he'll have more "affairs" for sure, and he'll probably end up leaving you when he gets tired of you complaining about him cheating or when he meets a girl who has him head over heels by making him desire and respect her. Meanwhile you will have lost valuable time with him, and will feel even more attached to him than you already do, because of the acumulated time and the happy moments toghether (because there'll be) and you be feeling way more alone and empty than you already do.
If you aknowledge what you want and tell him you don't want to be with him anymore because of that, he might try to sweet-talk you into changing your mind, or he'll get angry and try to disqualify what you want. But in the end, he'll have more respect for you, and ironically if you still wanted to be with him in the future there's a much greater chance that you'll have that kind of relationship you want even with him.
So be loyal to yourself first, love and respect yourself above all and then other people will do it too.
You'll be fine. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (9 November 2008):
This guy just is not worth it. Do yourself a favour and finish it. You are not showing yourself any respect by letting this guy treat you like shit. Say goodbye and find someone better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): He's right - it is your problem. You're making it your problem by staying with him.
A commonly used two-word phrase beginning with 'F' and ending in 'Off' springs to mind as a suitable thing to say to him.
He's immature. You deserve better.
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