A
female
age
36-40,
*onnie
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. I love him and want to be with him the rest of my life. He's still in Law School and I found a job in another city 7 hours away. We don't see each other much because of the distance, expenses to travel back and forth, and different schedules. When I first got this job I was very depressed because I was a lost recent college graduate and didn't have any friends in the city I moved to. I became friends with this one guy and one thing lead to another... Although I knew what I was doing with him was wrong, I had never had sex with anyone besides my boyfriend before, and was curious, so I just gave in (although its not an excuse). I really liked this guy and he liked me too. The sexual chemistry between us was crazy. There were so many times I had tried to just hang out with him, but we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. And besides that, I hadn't gotten any in a while...Me and my "lover" got into a fight and stopped talking for a while (2-3 months). But we got back in touch and had a relationship full of sexual tension. I knew what I was doing was wrong, so I seized communication for a while again. But ultimately giving in after 2-3 months. I never told anyone of this affair. Never even told my boyfriend. But suddenly, some of our friends began to notice me and my lover getting to comfortable with each other and became suspicious. So we ended it. This time for real.Here's the problem. Sexually, I don't get wet with my boyfriend like i did with my lover. What do I do?
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female
reader, connie +, writes (23 January 2007):
connie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies! I stopped getting with my boyfriend before I even met my lover. I love my boyfriend and would like to be with him the rest of my life. This new guy is actually also in Law school, so I'm not looking at future dollar signs, since both will be probably making the same amount of money. However, my lover comes from a rich family, where as my boyfriend comes from a broken family. He has a lot of family problems. But his struggle makes me appreciate him more. My boyfriend has become less attractive to me as he's gained some weight. But I would not consider my lover attractive either. When I first moved into the city I was living at home and was not getting along with my parents. I didn't even have any friends. My lover provided me with company as well as a refuge since he had his own place. Additionally, my lover came with a good group of friends, something I needed at the time. My boyfriends more of a loner to begin with...
A
female
reader, CarrieMagdelene +, writes (22 January 2007):
 Do you still find your boyfriend as attractive in general as you used to? This may seem an obvious question, yes...But remember, attracting isn't ALWAYS very sexual (although it ususally boils down to sex). Sure, it's not easy to get turned on by a troll hitting your G-spot, but you would probably still get wet anyway...It's your body's natural way of protecting you; not just from bacteria and germs, but from physical harm. It makes the act more comfortable. If that's not the case for you even after he has entered you and gone to town for a bit, ask your doc because there may be something up with your crotch region, and us girls need to take good care of that area, huh? :)
Got a little off topic. Anyhoo, back to the attraction. Do you still find (let's call him Bob) Bob attractive? Mentally, emotionally, physically? Gramatically? Just kidding on that last one. If you feel kind of disgusted by him touching you sexually, perhaps you aren't sexually attracted to him. Dive into that thought and ponder it and try to come to a decision. Perhaps you're only interested in him as a friend? Don't feel like you have to be so intimate with him if you're not interested in him that way. It's lying to him, and lying to yourself. :) Hope this helps, dearest! -Carrie
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