A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiI really don't know what to do and my BF tells me it is me who has the problem - so i thought i would ask some advice. We have been together 4 years but it has never been an easy ride. He has had major depression episodes and lacks self confidence, doesn't speak to his family because they have caused him psychological damage apparently(I have never met them so i don't know how true this is). He has always has a tendancy to be abit controlling but recently it has got much worse, although he says its me who is unreasonable. For example last saturday we had loose plans to see each other later on, but because he couldn't get hold of me in morning (mobile phone reception is rubbish sometimes) he left a nasty message telling me to phone him if i could 'fit him into my life'. To be honest i was astonished and thought i would wait until later and my kids were in bed to phone back. But in the evening he came around, made a scene and gave back the key to my house. He was then remorseful and told me he loved me and it was my fault for not telling him where i was going so he could phone me. I just don't think i can trust him or put up with this erratic behaviour anymore but he gets really verbally nasty and it frightens me and makes me feel like i am the one with the 'issue'. Help !
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): Make a plan so you can escape and go. Find someone to take you or go to a womans center and ask for help, they will guide you and protect you.He is not worth keeping because he may hurt you and it could take just one outburst and you guys dont need to live through that. Took me years to get out of the abusive relationship and after counceling Im OK and I enjoy my life as I please. You can do the same
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 Well you got an "issue" and they were in bed and probably heard the scene.
Your kids, they are seeing this relationship and using the it to learn how they should behave when they are adults. Is this the example you want to set?
If you were just a woman on your own, well you are old enough to take care of yourself, yeah he sound like a control freak who is going to try and isolate you from the rest of the world etc etc. Subject comes up everyday no point in repeating it because UNLIKE the other women you got your kids to think off.
Even if by some magic you could "cure" him, in the meantime your kids would be getting entirely the wrong message.
Remember, monkey see, monkey do. Kids who grow up around abuse EITHER abuse OR go into abusive relationships.
So dump this guy FAST. You don't need it but you kids MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): I think you have one problem; get rid of this guy; the sooner the better!
If not only for yourself for your children; what is happening is not good for them; coming to your house making a scene; no ...not acceptable. I hope you kept the keys!
It seems as if this guy has got some serious issues to resolve; he is verbally and emotionally abusive and from what I can gather there seems to be a tendency towards aggresion.He needs profesional help; I suggest you keep him away from your house and kids.
Please, after 4 years, you are still putting up with this; have you ever thought what this is doing to your kids?
You know what you have to do, I am sure of that; don't delay; get rid of this guy; break all contact; and yes I mean, all contact; otherwise he will make your life a living "nightmare".
Get on with your life; you do not deserve this; neither does your kids;
Good luck!
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