A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone. I really need som help. I dont know wgat to do anymore. My boyfriend and I have been together for the last 5 years, but now he hates me.. He calls me dirty names and accuses me of cheating. All the time. He says that he wants to play around, that he has commited to me too early. I really feel like a wreck now. We are both 24 years old. The problem is that he cant see how much I love him. He says that he has become mad because he constantly is thinking about who I am with and what I am doing. I was in a bad relationship when I was 15. This man was 8 years older than me, and without even asking me he wanted to marry me. He had told his parents and everything. He said that I was ugly, and that I was bound to stick with him. I finally got out of that relationship after 2 years..Then came this second guy, he called me sweety ones, and I really thought he liked me, but all he wanted was sex. I had the feeling that he liked me, but he was just using me..My boyfriend and I have been friends since we were 14 years old. i told him everything that happend. He was my best friend. But now he cant get past the fact that I have had sex with 2 others than him. He claims all the time that I am a whore, that I have had sex with more than 20 men. He never believes me!! This really hurts me. I really never do anything else than calling him and asking him to meet me. I dont have any friends anymore because I am scared that he will blame me. Because of this I have no concentration, I dropped out of medschool and I feel like a zero. All I want is for him to understand that I love him. He has had one girlfriend before me, and I have had 2 before him. Now he wants to play around. I have sacrifised soo much, but now I am worthless for him. I feel so depressed. I cant get over this. I have cut my selv because of my frustration. Everything reminds me about him, I really love him. But why cant he love me? Whenever we meet he always wants to sleep with me. If I say no, will blame me for sleeping with other man. He is really hurting me. I feels used. He has taken my money, broken my heart and broken my selfesteem. I dont feel like I have meaning in life anymore. He says that sins I have "lived my life before him" he should olso be allowd to do the same..Am I really a whore? I certanly feel like one because of the constant namecalling. Please help me realise, because I am unable to do that. I always end up waiting for him outside his workplace to meet him, I can stay there for hours, and then he rejects me..he sleeps with me, says that he wont leave, then the next day he calls me names..Im a emotional wrek, please help!!!!!!
View related questions:
best friend, depressed, money, workplace Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (1 September 2011):
 Don't settle for this kind of life I beg of you. You will NOT be alone for the rest of your life however I think you would benefit from some time alone to figure out who you are, what you like, what makes you happy, what makes you sad etc. When you are confident and happy in yourself you will attract people to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): You're not a whore. Far from it.
Contrary to what you're boyfriend says, he actually DOES trust you, far more than you think. He knows how you feel about him and that you'll stay with him no matter how badly he behaves.
The fact that you have only been with two men prior to him doesn't give him much ammunition to use against you which only inflames him even. He doesn't really think you're a whore. He just wishes he had more experience than you do.
As previously stated this is HIS problem and I suggest you leave him and cut ties until he has proven that he's changed. Your self esteem has been damaged enough, use what's left to protect yourself from further harm. It won't get easier the longer this goes on.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): Thank you everyone for your advise. I really know what I should do, but deep inside me I dont believe that I will ever be loved. I think that I would rather be in this abusive relationship than being alone for the rest of my life... I dont know how to chanhe my view. On day I will try to be stron, I then listen to music that gives me strength, but the day after, I fell the same way..
I really hate my life :(
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (31 August 2011):
 It sounds like he is suffering from something called Retroactive Jealousy.I suggest you read this article about it, it may help you understand what is going on in his head:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retrograde-jealousy.htmlTo summarise the article: this is his (serious) problem, and only he can fix it. But he has to want to first of all: if he shows no willingness to change then you should probably leave him, as he will continue to be abusive towards you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (31 August 2011):
This man is a disgusting speciman of a human being. I agree with the other posters get away from him as fast as you can. You DESERVE someone who will love and cherish you. If you stay with this man he will erode your confidence, self esteem, lifeforce and more until you are a shell of yourself. Don't let him do this to you, you are better than that. Run Run Run as fast as you can he's a LOSER!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, rile962  +, writes (31 August 2011):
Your boyfriend is abusing you. The problem is NOT that he can't see how much you love him. He does see how much you love him, so he feels very secure in treating you terribly, knowing that you won't leave him no matter how awfully he treats you. He has totally erased your self-esteem and isolated you from the friends who would encourage you to stay away from him. You need to leave him cold turkey and don't look back. Even if he treated you great in the past, he is not that person anymore. You need to love and protect YOURSELF and get away from this man. Hurry and leave him before he hurts you even more. You're not a whore and you never, ever have to put up with anyone calling you bad names.
...............................
|
