A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi there... My boyfriend and I just broke up.. Literally on Christmas Day. And my story is gonna be quite lengthy but I really need some opinion of what you may think of it. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year.. And throughout the course of relationship we did have minor problems.. And during the summer we got into quite a massive fight.. But we sorted that out.. Anyways recently, we got into a massive fight. Okay so he's the kind of guy that won't tell me if he has a problem or smtg is bothering him, he'll just ignore me and leave me to figure out. So during the last week of school we stayed back to hang out. We were actually fine and talking and laughing and all. By evening he was super distant towards me. And we actually had a small argument the next few days. We were both invited to the same Xmas party over the weekend. By that time we were still in a fight and I was really upset, depressed and really really stressed out. So I texted the person hosting the party, he sent a pic of some wine he was gonna serve at the party and I asked if its okay that I had a little drink. (I'm not a drinker btw. It was my first time) so at the party I was gonna drink a little but I was about to bail that idea cuz it didn't actually feel right. Until my boyfriend showed up and completely ignored me and didn't look at me. That's when my stress levels and how upset I felt increased. The next thing I knew I was holding a drink. (Coke mixed with vodka.. More coke than vodka btw.) and since I'm not used to having alcohol in my body, I was basically out after one full glass. My boyfriend was super mad at me for that. We fought a lot about it for like a day. But by the end of the fight, we decided to like let it go and forget about it and try to patch things up. I apologised and said I'm not drinking ever. Everything was fine until Monday. So on Monday afternoon we were talking like normal on whatsapp. We laughed etc.. But then something triggered him to back to the day I drank. He started being distant and I could feel his anger rising. So I decided to like give him space and like let him have a breather.. But then on Xmas eve, well ppl stayed up to wish each other merry Xmas.. So on snapchat, (I don't use it very much, I only sent snaps to my girl friend and him mostly.) I got a snap from my ex which was a Xmas wish.. And since like snapchat has that best friend list and I don't use it very much, he(ex) ended up on it. I was literally freaking out. Well... On Xmas day, my ex must have accidentally sent another snap to me cuz I probably on his recent. And it defo increased the number of snaps, so he was on my bestfriend list and my boyfriend saw it and texted me and said we needed to talk. When we talked, we basically argued a lot. And he said that my relationship with him was just a distraction from my past and I told him straight that I wouldn't date somebody if I was still lingering in my past. Truth is, my so-called ex, well I don't count him as my ex since he just strung me along for a long time without making a move. Anyways, my boyfriend was furious about it and he said you probably talk to him etc.. And well I told him the truth which was that he sent me a few snaps and he ended up on my list and I also told him that yes I spoke to him at my swim training about prefect application because he asked for help. Tbh, the ex just treats me as a friend because he felt real guilty for what he did to me and I don't wanna hold any grudges. But I do keep my distance. So after telling him the truth, he got super mad and said he wouldn't have thought that I would do that and that he "trusted" me on that. (Btw, he has trust issues, not o my with me but with his friends and fam too.) and well I was so mad that I said be realistic you never really trusted me with anything. After that he also mentioned in one of his messages that he feels hate towards me as well. But before that he also mentioned that he loves and care about me. It's so confusing. I spoke to him about how we need to be able to forgive and forget. I know forgetting something bad is hard but it's not impossible and at the same we were actually working on patching up the mistakes and all of a sudden something triggered him. I told him that I'm only human, I make mistakes and I am not perfect. And at some point in life, ppl are gonna make big mistakes and well we learn from it. Like the drinking part was my mistake. Well he didn't really wanna listen not believe anything else I said. Right now, I literally feel anger and sadness. I don't really know how I can feel both at the same time. And also the fact that I actually love him. He also mentioned that if I really love him then I would know what he likes and dislike. And what he dislikes is that guys talking to me or vice versa. Thing is when I talk to other ppl I don't flirt. Like honestly never. I'm not trying to protect myself but I am truly honest that I don't flirt with other ppl. But he takes it as something else and gets super mad. For me love is a strong word. And I don't simply throw around the word like its like any other word. The fact that I use it for him already scares me. I love him and that's the worst part. Somebody I love doesn't trust me or believe nor listen. And at this point in time I love and hate him at the same time. I can understand he doesn't like guys talking to me and all but like there's no flirting going on and like I give him full access to my phone whenever he wants. Also, I know that having an "ex" in your contacts isn't a good thing but i don't know I just left him on my snapchat but there hasn't been any other contact since me and the ex stopped like 2 years ago? And my boyfriend knows the story behind it. Maybe I take the blame on this for leaving his contact on. (Idek tbh)Well I should also mention something's I do for him. I usually give up quite a lot of time to spend with him after school. (Don't worry I cope quite well between school work, him and my sports) also when he's gaming, I'll always let him finish his games first even when we're half-way through a convo. And his games usually lasts up to an hour occasionally more. And when he feels bad for ditching the convo with me, he'll ask me to join his skype call with his guy friends and I join it but don't say anything. And whenever, he's stressed out or upset, I would try to talk to him calmly and tell him that's it gonna alright and some other things that might calm his nerves. I try my best to be the ideal girlfriend for him. And the things I do is all out of love and how much I care about him. So please give me some advise on this.. Or at least give me some of your opinion on this situation. I am so messed up at the moment. Tbh I truly did love this guy and still do despite what he said yesterday night. (Can't believe he chose Xmas night tho) I will answer any questions that you have.. And can I get as many answers as possible? Thank you very much. I really need help, I am on a breaking point.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2014): If he's only between 13-15, he's just a kid. You're being a bit dramatic about the whole thing; as if you're two adults. The truth is; he can't be anything but immature about things at his age.
You both have a lot to learn at your age. Stop mimicking adult relationships; because your minds have not yet matured or developed to that point. Even most adults take a long time getting to the point they can deal with relationships and the challenges involved. Neither of you are equipped, especially your boyfriend, to carry-on anything too serious. Thus all the quibbling and fighting between you.
You're too deep, and he's too much of a kid.
You both should be acting more within your range of understanding and mental-development. Under the age of 21, you're only going to have a string of teen-romances that are merely trial-relationships; as your brain develops more understanding of life, and you physically grow into adulthood. You're no where near that right now! You both barely out of puberty!
You wrote a lot because you have a strong sense of drama.
You've blown things much out of proportion, and should simply not go as far as to bring the word love into this situation. You don't have a clue, even it you think you do.
It's not working because you're trying too hard.
You care a lot for him yes, but he's not ready for that. An anonymous female reader says he's immature. Yes, he is. In fact, both of you are! That accounts for your problems. You're a couple of kids. Your relationships should be fun, few disagreements, and absolutely no drinking. Perhaps drinking age is under 16 where you're from, but that doesn't make it a good thing. It does more harm than good to a brain still growing and developing.
You'll be over him in a matter of weeks. You should hangout with other friends and enjoy being your age. Carefree and flirting with any boy you want. Not fighting and centering all your time and attention on one boy, who is obviously acting his true age. If you think he's difficult, imagine what his parents are going through! They're raising a teen!!!
You'll get over him. You need to see and hangout with a few boys, and get used to what boys are like. You need time to grow and learn; and learn to minimize the drama.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 December 2014):
 If you boyfriend is incapable of telling you when something is bothering you, and expects you to know what it is without talking, he needs to provide you with a crystal ball.
What are you doing trying to hang on to somebody who doesn't respect you, doesn't trust you and doesn't listen to you ........ somebody who does ignore you, somebody who puts his gaming first, somebody who is so arrogant he expects you to know what he likes and dislikes without discussing it ------- where are the positives in this relationship, he sounds like a sulky two year old constantly on the verge of throwing a tantrum.
My advise is that since he did you the huge favour of walking out of your life, you ensure the door stays firmly shut to stop him walking back in,
and secondly, all those shared passwords ......... change them, and don't share passwords again, regardless of how much in love you believe you are!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2014): He sounds very immature to me.
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