A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok here goes nothing, I'm 18, been in a relationship for 9 months with a 25 year old, he's had a lot of pain in his love life in past , but things have changed since we've been together he has got so confident and trusts me 100% and tells me he loves me, I've become very clingy. And I know its a bad thing but I just can't help it, I feel like I'm not as clingy the recent months, but he does, and he has broken up with me, Im extremely heart broken, he knows how bad I am and he feels bad, I've told him I'm not going to be able to leave him, he told me he is going to miss me, but I just feel like theres no hope for me atall, he says have hope, and he might even miss me in a few weeks, months, or whatever, but what do i do? Like why would he miss me? A clingy little.cow :( can not talk about it much, cause all I do is break down, people are here for me and that but it's hard really hard, how do it tell him in sorry,, and that i am really willing to change? Because I really am, I've always said i wanted my first to be my last , help me please guys? Can't lose him
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): Sorry OP but with this guy you can't change, the only way you'll be able to change is to stay broken up and examine what made you clingy so you start off better with the next guy.
"Because I really am, I've always said i wanted my first to be my last , help me please guys? Can't lose him."
Can you not see how that is the epitome of clingy? That's one of the most clingy things I've ever heard and maybe there's your problem. You don't treat him as a guy you love being with but know you can love again if it doesn't work out. You treat him like the very last man you're ever going to have and like you will never meet another.
The only way you'll cure that is by moving on, learn that men and relationships come and go and they're not the most important things ever.
If I were him I'd never want you back, not because of who you are as a person but because I know in my heart I'd be having a bad effect on your life and having a relationship with you where you weren't 100% overbearing and clingy would be impossible.
OP I'd would be scared to pieces if a woman got into a relationship with me and suddenly I found out she'd always said the first guy she gets with is the last person she ever wants to be with, that's insanely ridiculous amount of pressure and importance to put on me. I'd suffocate immediately.
You're not going to be able to change your clinginess with this guy because he's a complete addiction to you. That's like trying to cure a heroin addiction by brushing your teeth with it.
Being willing to change means nothing anyway OP, my attitude to women like you has always been 'well then come back to me when you have, I'm not your counsellor or life guide" because I only date women ready to date. It's that simple and if you still need to change OP then you're not ready to date.
He's gone and the more you try to get him back the more clingy you seem, so you have to let go OP, letting go is the opposite of clingy and that's what you have to learn. You know what OP? If you learn to let him go, then that's the change you're looking for and it's a change you can take with you to all future relationships if you're careful not to put so much importance into being with us men.
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