A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am heartbroken. my boyfriend has dumped me for a girl he likes online. we live in england, and she lives in america. i cant stop crying. i have tried contacting him but he wont talk to me and he insisted its over. i have made some mistakes, and i wish i could turn the clock back. what can i do to try and get him back ?. i love him so much. its so stupid that he prefers someone on a computer when i live right near him. i didnt see him much because i wasnt sure what to do, but i learned from past mistakes, and even wanted to go to another level with him. I might post more on this later, but i am too upset to type much at the moment. i hate the internet in some ways, as it can run relationships !.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): On and off rarely works and if he can be distracted by someone he doesn't even know then he is not worth your time. Find someone who appreciates you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): Hi! I think your man had enough of whatever you had and had this girl for diversion. He is probably getting the attention and sweet nothings from the girl online. We cannot be sure if they are in-love but romance online do develop as fast as a week. Is your guy really worth fighting for? If you didn't have a healthy relationship then why not move on and have fun. Stop worrying about him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): Hi anonymousreader. It is a girl, as he said they have been talking by webcam and through microphones. I know i shouldn't but i feel worthless compared to this girl. He used to say he loved me more than anyone else, and now, apparently, she is the one he loves the most. It's been almost six years, although, like i said, we were on and off, so it's hard for me to think about my life without him in it for good.Mind you, just because he has seen her on webcam and spoke to her through a microphone, doesn't really mean that he knows her i suppose, as you dont know what someone is really like unless you see them in person. i keep feeling scared that she might come over to visit him, or even move here, but i hope that she would be put off him anyway if she saw what he was really like. And, she will only have his side of the story on our relationship. Come to think of it, he is weird and crazy though lol !. I only miss him when i think of the good times we had.I was also wondering if anyone reading this has been in the same situation and what happened ?.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): Chigirl, do you think he was lying when he said he loves her more than me ?. how can that be possible when he has only been taking to her for a week, and online at that. he has known me and wanted to be with me for years . i wish he would change his mind, but, in a way, i think I'm better off without him. i didn't eat much or drink much at all yesterday, and hardly slept. to be honest, i called him last night, and he answered, i thought, because he answered, and because his tone of voice was calm, and because we were on the phone for nearly an hour, that he would have changed his mind, but he didn't. he said that he loved me, but that he was sick of how i treated him ( when i would say i was going to meet him sometimes then didn't ) and he was sick of the arguments, But then, he said again that he loved her more, and he said he thought she was a more caring person than i was. That really hurt. And then later, he said he didn't love me at all !. So, he was messing with my emotions. It's so hard for me not to contact him again. Usually, he does come back to me, but now, i don't know if he will, as he has never dumped me for an online girl. We had only been back together for one day ( Thursday ) and he said he was going to give me another chance, but when he changed his mind, he said i had too many chances. I dont know if he does love me and is just trying to make me jealous and hurt me, or if he really does like this girl more, and it really is over. What do you think ?. It shows though that, if we had stayed together, he wouldnt have let this girl go, and would have been emotionally cheating.in a way, i'm hoping he will come crawling back, then can tell him to get lost. By the way, Chigirl, i see you live in Norway. My favourite band is from Norway ! . It's a-ha : ). I'm going to London next weekend , and on the Saturday, there will be an a-ha fan party !!.It's also my birthday on the 16th.Maybe i'll meet a nice Norwegian in London lol ! ; ). Lots of fans from different countries will be going.Might post more on this later.Thanks to both you girls. Your posts have been a big comfort to me. I hope you will stay in contact as it would help me through this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): You should let him go for all he knows he could be talking to some weirdo psycho crazy person, and is he sure its a female it could be a man but the best thing to do is let him go!!! He's a jerk there more fish in the sea I know that's easy for me to say, but in realty its the best thing to do.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 May 2011):
 He's a loser. Who dumps someone for another person, that's low. It also means he was flirting with her and emotionally cheating/cheating on your with her. So comfort yourself with the fact that the girl over in America is getting a big dofus of a boyfriend while you get to go out and find yourself a decent man instead.
Internet doesn't ruin relationships. Poor quality men like your ex ruins relationships, and for good reason too. They aren't relationship material. Just be HAPPY that you got out now before you took a step further with him! Imagine getting married to him and THEN he meets some chick online and can't stay committed. It'd be much worse.
The fact that your relationship has been off and on speaks volumes of how it was going, Im sorry. He liked other girls during these years, which also tells a story of how little committed he was to you. He was always looking elsewhere, and you shouldn't have put up with it then, and not now either.
What a jerk really. He was going to have the three of you sit down for a friendly talk as if she was a friend of yours? That's really crappy if you ask me, when he knew that he had feelings for her and he was just setting you up, yet he goes on with the charade. If you ask me those two deserve each other. It wont be long before he fancies someone new and she will be the one crying, unless she's like him and dumps him for someone else, and he'll come crying back for you.
Don't take him back if he comes crying! Do not take him back. This man will never change. I agree with you that he sounds controlling as well, and if a woman talks to a man about him being controlling, and he is, his typical response will be aggression and denying it, making it sound as if YOU are the one at fault for "feeling controlled", like it is all in your mind and you are nuts?
Trust your guts. If you felt controlled, then that's how it was.
You WILL find BETTER men to love. He didn't treat you right, was controlling you by shaming you about where you wanted to go and what you wanted to do, he emotionally cheated on you with this other woman, constantly looks elsewhere, he's got depression, is unemployed, got a back problem and is likely not ever going to get out of his room. No offense to your tastes, but raise the bar a little for your own good. Let the American online get him, she deserves him. You can do better than this.
Do not take him back. It will hurt for a while, but you will figure it out and get through it. There are better men waiting on the other side. Write yourself a note that lists all the things about him that are red flags, negative traits, and bad character, and things that doesn't make him a good boyfriend. Among other things the way he dumped you for another woman.. ONLINE even.
Only take him back if you want all of this happening to you all over and over again. Because it will. Just cut all contact, it will be easier for you that way than if you try to hold on. Like ripping off a band aid.
First loves hurt the most, but we survive!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): I'm very sorry to hear about that. Don't blame yourself or the mistakes that happened in the past. Sometimes your mistakes in the past have nothing to do with your boyfriend breaking up with you. I don't know the whole story, but in my opinion, it's his fault for not being able to handle his emotions well. I do think that it's better to break up than to have your boyfriend cheat on you while you two are still dating because cheating hurts more.
I kind of wonder if the girl in American knows if your boyfriend was taken before they started going out. When a guy says it's over, it's really over. I would not accept him back if he comes back because he might do the same thing over again. There's nothing you can do to change his mind but let him see his own mistake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2011): just to add a bit more to this, we had been apart for some time before, but not officially broken up, but we have been on and off for five years. He has liked other girls before, but that was during the times when we were broken up, but, he lied about liking other girls who he spoke to online before, and one he knew in person, and some of the time he spoke to a girl he used to fancy when i was with him. she also lived in America, and he originally liked her before he met me, then found her again online while he was with me. with this current girl, they have only been in touch for a week, but apparently, he has strong feelings for her, and she does for him. how can that be when its only been a week,and its only on a computer ?. they have used webcam and spoke through microphones though. he even said talking to her ha made him like her more, and the things i have done to him have made him like me less. at flirt, he apparently told her that he was wondering what to do about his relationship with me, and she told him to get back with me . he also lied to me at first saying he wasnt attracted to her, that they were only friends, and said she apparently said she wanted to speak to me to convince me to go back with him, and he said next time i went to his place, which was supposed to be tomorrow, we could have all had a chat together. he finished me today though and i still cant stop crying. i contacted him before but sometimes he ignored me and he told me to leave him alone and said it was over for good. i am going to try not to contact him, but it's so hard. i even went to his place yesterday, and was there for ten hours. . we even did physical things together, kissing, and other intimate things, but not intercourse. in fact, we are both virgins, and we had even talked about losing our virginity together soon, and he said he wanted me to stay at his more often.a couple of mistakes i probably made, are that i told him i thought he was controlling with me sometimes, as he went mad at me because i wouldnt sleep over at his house last night, and that he sometimes doesnt like me going to place. he stays at home all the time unless he has to shop, or do other important things, but i like to go to concerts and shows occasionally. i have a rip to london coming up next week, at the weekend, and i stupidly said that i bet he didnt want me to go there, although he said he didnt mind me going there, and then he said i should find someone else who would go out to places with me and make me happy, but i told him i wanted him, and that he was he love of my life. i have complained about him not going out much before, but i really wanted to make things work. i called him, and he said we wont talk at all today, and that he would just speak to me when i went to his tomorrow. but then, a few hours later, he dumped me and told me the situation about him and the girl.also, last night, he told me not to text him at all today, in case we argued, and to only speak to him tomorrow. i really wish that i had either stayed overnight last night,or gone back to his today, instead of texting him, or just not text him today and gone to his place tomorrow. i cant help beating myself up over it. it might sound stupid, but i also think that British women don't compare to American women, as, from what i have seen, Americans seem more fascinating and confident. do you think he was telling the truth, or do you think he could still care about me, but he is confused ?. maybe he only likes her because she was helpful, and he is getting his feelings mixed up ?. i really want him back and i am devastated. i even worry in case she is able to come over here and visit him, or, if she ends up moving here to live with him.i am also unemployed, which doesn't help, as i have a lot of time to dwell on things. he is also unemployed, an suffered from depression, and has a back problem. i think it's called spondylosis. he stays in all the time on his computer which i know is not healthy.i hope all this makes sense. i'm so confused.
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