A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been dating for 3 yrs, since we were 16. He is one yr older then me and when he was 19 he started going to to bars and pubs and stuff with his friends. One night we were at a party and he wanted to leave and go with his friends to a pub , since I was underage I couldnt get in . We ended up getting into a fight because I wanted him to stay at the party with me. He left with his friends and I got mad and walked home. On the walk I was attacked, raped and beaten. I was in the hospital for 8 days and had broken ribs, arm and a ruptured spleen. My bf blamed himself and in the beginning so did I. I spent a lot of time in therapy and I realized that it wasnt my fault or his and have slowly come to terms with it. This whole ordeal has taken a huge toll on our relationship it was been 14 months since it has happened and he looks at me its like he is looking through me. he wont let me get close to him. I love him but I need the old him back. He refuses to go to therapy or even talk to any one about it. He wont let me hug him or get close to him. HE lost his job, he never wants to go out and he looks like he is dead, its like he is there in body but the life is gone. He says he loves me and wants to marry me but how can we live a life together if he wont even hold me. How can I help him
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): I'm so sorry that happened to you and what a horrible thing for anyone to go through. I think your boyfriend loves you very very much, he is just beating himself up over it even now. Even though it was over a year ago he is still hurting over it more than you think.
Something like this can effect people in many different ways, it is a massive shock. I think he still blames himself for it.
As much as both of you would like to forget such a horrible memory, I think maybe you should sit him down and talk to him about this. Tell him exactly how you feel. Ask him how he feels still about it and about you.
I can understand why he doesn't want to get close to you, he is just hurting still and feels weird. Some people may think after 14 months it shouldn't be like that but these things can take years to get back to normal.
You need to communicate with him big time, ask him politely again about therapy. I really think it will do him and you alot of good. You both just need a big talk together and a reminder of how much you love each other.
All the best hun.
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