A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need help... I've been with my bf for 2 years, and We lost our virginities together 5 months into the relationship. But no matter what he does, I can't have an orgasm. I love sex, I get horny very easily and I'm always willing to have sex. I enjoy it, but I just can't have an orgasm, I feel like I'm "almost there", but it never happens. I've tried masturbating even before I had a boyfriend, but I thought it was normal and it would change when I got real experience with a real person. I was wrong. I do enjoy it and it's a very pleasurable thing, I'm very attracted to my boyfriend so that's not the problem. I just don't know how to guide him, I don't know how to make me orgasm. He has been very supportive, we've tried tons of positions, oral sex, etc. This is making him so frustrated because he feels it's his fault even when it isn't, he just keeps blaming himself... What can I do?? How can I get my boyfriend to stop blaming himself?? And what else can I try to finally achieve an orgasm??
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2013): So often men and even us women assume that having an orgasm is so simple and easy to do. We see movies and hear experiences and are like, oh is that how it's supposed to be for me too? It's not like that for many women, more women that we think have this issue. Women who have had a problem with orgasms, need the pressure so they can only orgasm when on top. But it could be the position or perhaps you need to add a vibrator to use on your clitoris while having intercourse. It can be a bit hard at first to bring up using them with your partner but if he is okay with it and knows it is to help you both out because he will appreciate it when you do orgasm it's worth getting over the shyness of it. Fantasies help alot too, lessening any distractions that could interfere with your "moment" is important too. Adding toys is a fun part of sex and not a perversion and should not be viewed that way hence why they are called toys:) The fact that you have no issues with sex in general is a good thing and that he is patient enough and so are you to do what you can to reach that level of satisfaction is very important and shows a healthy relationship. I hope this is helpful and hope it all works out for you two.
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (2 March 2013):
 I don't think you have a problem, it just takes time to understand your body and work out how to orgasm. You have to really relax and let yourself go. Once you have your first they will keep in coming! If it doesn't happen in a year then go see a doctor maybe...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2013): As mentioned by the previous writer, you can go to the doctor to see if there is a physiological problem. However, most likely it is a subconscious issue regarding sex.Sometimes our upbringing gives us certain hang-ups about sex; and even though we fully enjoy a sexual experience, we hold back a little out of subconscious guilt. Sometimes it may take a long time to reach climax; but you shouldn't place a time-frame on it. Your mate may tire and become frustrated; but that will only add to your performance anxiety. Just relax and don't worry about orgasm. If you are consciously worrying "if" it will happen, your anxiety will never let it happen. Orgasm isn't only a physical response, it is also a emotional and mental response.Many women nowadays employ the use of sex toys to experiment with their sexuality and physical response to sexual stimuli. You have to continue experimenting with your body to find what areas or zones tend to excite you the most. You also need to enjoy pro-longed foreplay. Practice with your boyfriend on how long he can withhold ejaculation. Teasing and pleasing each other, without being concerned about orgasm. Enjoy the pleasure of your intimacy.Light scented candles, soft music, darken the room for love-making. Set the mood!Enjoy kissing and caressing each other. Be more aggressive in your sexual activity. Sometimes women are more dominant than submissive, and hold back because society has taught them women have to be submissive. Nothing is further from the truth. Guide his hands gently where you want them. Look deeply into each others eyes. Mental orgasm is just as rewarding as physical orgasm. You will find in time that your anxieties will subside and your body will respond.Patience is the most important factor, once you have determined that there are no physiological impairments.I wish you the best!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2013): You should keep practising on your own. Relax, take time to make yourself horny, masturbate. You can buy some toys to assist. You need to make yourself orgasm before you guide your bf. If you say you almost get there thats a good sign. When youre alone keep doing what feels good until you orgasm.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2013): It sounds like you should really go to the doctors and get some test done I think that's the only way to find the problem
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