A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel as if my bf is not MINE, rather he belongs to his ex. I have been with him for five years and they have been apart for almost ten so its certainly been a while, but I still do not feel like he is my partner. When we do stuff together (go out or shopping) I feel as if I am with another womans man and I feel really uncomfortable. I don't want to go to the same places as they did, and I am always on the look out in case I see this woman, just in case she wants him back. (shes married now and they dont talk). I have also decided that if she ever came to where we live, I will just walk away and let her have him back. I have talked to him about this, and although he was understanding at first now it just annoys him as he sees that whatever he says, I wont feel any different.What do I do?
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (10 April 2011):
Why do you feel that way? If they don't talk anymore and it has been 10 years since he's been with her, why would you feel that he belongs to her? Is it actually something he does? Like compare you to her, or call you by her name, or have her stuff and pictures all over the place? Or is it simply in your head? When I was insecure about my bf's ex, I used to talk to him about it, but he told me that he didn't even think about his ex except when my bringing it up brought it to his attention. After so long (10 years), your bf most likely does not even think about his ex except maybe once in a blue moon. Unless you bring it up to him. And since you most likely don't want him to think about her, it's best you don't talk to him about it. (Unless he is doing things like still having pictures around and bringing her up). If he isn't doing anything, you need to figure out why you feel this way. If you are insecure, you need to find a way to deal with it, possibly with professional help. Just as a possible way to get started, if you feel those negative thoughts coming on, try to insert something positive instead. Like something nice he did for you, or think about something you do together that you enjoy. Do not think about his ex, and if you find you start doing so, distract yourself. Negative and insecure thoughts seem to multiply and grow the more you think about them, so it is often best to distract yourself from thinking about it, and then with time you find the thoughts come less and less frequently. (At least that is how I have found in my experience).
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