A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a dilemma right now. It took almost 2 years for me and my bf to begin our relationship. Everything was so perfect in the beginning and as time passed, problems started to pop up. I knew in my heart that every relationship will have to stand some tests at some point of time. We had tons of fights while we were in college and were almost at the point of breaking up. We are in a LDR right now. Even when he comes home, he spends most of his time with his friends and has not even suggested the idea of meeting up. He always manages to come up with a lot of excuses when I talk about meeting up. I feel like I am losing even the freedom to discuss the tensions that we have in our relationship right now because when I start talking about the same he begins shouting at me. He calls me everyday but we have nothing much to talk about. I feel suffocated and so lonely. He wants me to pretend that everything is fine when it is not. It has been months since I last heard the words 'love you' from him. We may end up getting married because that is the way things are here in India. But I know I will never be happy with him. But I am scared to death when I think of the idea of breaking up and moving on. What should I do with this guy who has almost nil time for me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2014): Thank you so much wiseowl..:) I know my parents too are concerned just about my happiness. But I have been brought up with this concept of 'one man'. And the thought is killing me. The very idea of spending the rest of my life with another man after having spent almost 4 years with my bf is eating me up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2014): Unless this is an arranged-marriage that you are bound to; you have every option to disconnect and move on. You don't hear the words "I love you" because he may not; but he takes it for granted he doesn't have to because he might feel you have no other choice.
If he has no time for you, find better things to do with your time than sitting around waiting for him. I may not know everything about your culture; but I do know you are allowed to have friends and to pursue your personal interests. You are a very intelligent young woman and very articulate. You are smart enough to know that if you are incompatible and fight a lot; it isn't likely he will change.
If you are not bound to a marital commitment to this man; you can disassociate and breakup with him. Tell your parents what you feel, and see what their advice might be. Go into detail as you have with us; if you are allowed to state your feelings openly. Maybe they have some wisdom to offer you.
My suspicion is you're trying to please them; but have you actually asked them what they think about your relationship and how to handle what you are going through? I received an IM from a young lady from India in a similar situation and gave her the same advice. She came back to me and was surprised that her parents were only concerned for her happiness. They were willing to support her in whatever decision she wanted to make. She feared resistance only because her prospect was from a prosperous family, but he was quite cruel and cheated on her.
Good luck and many blessings!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 August 2014):
 Your boyfriend favours spending time with his friends over time with you because he has fun with them. With you he listens to complaints about not spending enough time together and how the relationships isn't what you want it to be.
The solution seems obvious. Stop talking about your feelings and start doing things that you both enjoy. Have fun, laugh, do interesting things. And find something more productive to do with your time when your apart. Women who spend all their spare time thinking of their boyfriends are boring. Don't be one of them.
This may be the beginning of the end, but you have nothing to lose by trying and adopting better habits now will help you have better relationships in the future.
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