A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help. The problem is kinda childish, but I just don't know what to do and it's hard to have an objective view of a situation when you're involved.My boyfriend and I have had an on/off relationship for almost a year, and when things are good, they're REALLY great and when they're bad; they're terrible. Over the last week, we've had an okay time, but I felt like I was just getting crowded by him, as he wants to spend all our time together. This turned into an argument as I told him that I wanted some space, just an evening to clear my head, but he reacted really badly and got mad at me. In response to my request, he has bitterly given me "all the space I could need".We didn't speak at all for the next day.I then tried to initiate conversation with him to sort things out, and he was bitter and cold towards me. I ended that conversation by telling him that he knew where I was if he actually could be bothered to talk to me.We haven't spoken for three days.I want to sort things out, but I don't know what to do. Should I talk to him, or wait for him to talk to me? I made it clear to him that I do want to speak with him, but given his silence over these last few days, does that mean that he doesn't want to talk to me at all? Could he just be too proud to "lose" this argument?I want us to make up and be okay again, but I don't want to compromise on the stance that I do need a little alone time to myself sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating because he's always around. I do love him, and I do want to be with him, but I need him to understand this, but he seems to refuse to.What should I do in all this?I miss him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hit-the-road,jack... +, writes (12 August 2007):
work out whether the really goods are good enough to outweigh the really bads.
and dont worry because whatever happens you wont put up him if he's making you feel real bad for too long, so eventually itll get sorted.
and if hes like possessive and suffocating just tell him to back off. seriously.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2007): Hi I was in a similar relationship for 2 years where we absolutely adored eachother, but like you, we had great times and really bad times.
He often made me feel guilty for seeing friends or wanting time alone, whereas I encouraged him to have fun with friends
What I eventually learned, after we broke up for the final time was that in a relationship it should be 50/50. If he really loves you he should respect your right to need some time alone and he should not make you feel guilty or leave you waiting for a few days.
Unfortunately this may not be what you want to hear but it sounds like this guy drags you down and instead of enjoying eachothers company you are alone and miserable. Dont you think it would be easier to be out of this relationship and having fun? If he is not willing to listen to your opinion now and make an effort to fix things, then what chance do you have in the future. He probably wont change, but you sound like a lovely girl. Talk to friends and family, let them know what is going on and start having fun with them instead. In a few months you will look back and think 'why didnt I make the break sooner'. Life is tough enough without being in a relationship that is not making you happy.
I promise you will meet somebody else who will want to make you smile and appreciate you for being you!
Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Lily loo  +, writes (12 August 2007):
 Hi,
I was in a similiar situation. He's my ex now as of a few months ago, but we dated for 3 years. The last year and a half we were on and off, breaking up and getting back together. It was the same thing as you, when things were good they were awesome, but when things were bad they were awful. I know you love him, but that's not a healthy relationship. It sounds as if you alreay know this. It's hard, but sometimes love is always enoough. You've got to be compatible. It also sounds as if your boyfriend is a little cselfish, if he can't understand that you need a night to yourself. That can also be a red flag~is he somewhat controlling? I say try to contact him again to talk, and if he still gives you the cold shoulder then it is probably best to let this relationship go, as hard as that may be. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't have you walking on eggshells wondering when the next fallout will be. I still miss my ex sometimes but I know that I am a happier person now that I'm not in that unhealty siuation anymore. You will get to the point where you will know if it is worth saving...pay close attnention to his actions, they say alot. Take care, and I hope that you will feel better soon about this.
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