A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 31 he's 25. We've been together for 7yrs. We've broken up so many times its hard to keep track. The Two major issues are my insecurity and his lack of financial resposibility. My problem with him is that he works but cannot manage his finances and I end up paying for everything. His problem with me is that I'm so insecure and jealous that I'm always accusing him of cheating. I've gone through his phone records, I've figured out his voicemail password and listened to his messages, I've called female freinds of his to find out if he was checting on me. Basically I've completely lost control of myself. I never used to be this way. I love him so much that I'm so scared of losing him that I'm trying to find out something when most of the time there's nothing to find out.We've been arguing for the last week and this morning he broke up with me. He says that he can't take me constantly accusing him of cheating. But... we still live together and he does't have the money to move out. It's my moms house so I'm not leaving. I know that its my fault but for some reason I can't stop myself from doing such bizzare things. It's like I'm having an out of body experience where I see myself going for his phone or starting an argument about nothing or accusing him of being with another woman when I know he was at work all day.I'm insecure b/c he's very attractive and in great shape, I'm six yrs older than him. He's very tall and women are always flirting with him. I'm also attractive but I have a skin condition where some of my skin is lighter and darker than other parts. I'm in good shape and I have a good job and a nice salary. He has always loved me inspite of my skin condition. Everyone says that I'll find someone else but the truth is I'm repulsed by the thought of letting another man see my body. I rather be by myself. I don't want to die alone. But how can I change????
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at work, broke up, flirt, insecure, jealous, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (27 July 2008):
 You need to focus on overcoming your insecurities. They are leading you to pathological jealousy, which will drive any partner away from you. Have you seen a therapist about this? If you can afford it I'd recommend it.
I also recommend this book. I had a period where i became incredibly jealous, and it really helped me understand what was going on:
http://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Passion-Jealousy-Necessary-Love/dp/0684850818
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): The only thing you need to change is your boyfriend. Why are you doing this to yourself? Seven years on again, off again? This guy is SO not for you and I know your friends and family have told you so. You need to listen to them because they're right. Relationships like this NEVER last. As for dying alone, honestly it's better to be alone than to live with somebody you know isn't the one for you.
Jealousy is something that happens to EVERYBODY. Has your guy cheated on you in the past? Has he cheated on any of his past girlfriends? Because if so, that's a STRONG indicator of what he'll do in the future unless HE changes. If not, you need to speak to a counselor or pastor about whatever's bothering you. Once you get YOURSELF together, everything else will fall into place. Lots of luck.
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