A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For some time now I have thought my boyfriend is bored with me, but then I have put it down to my low self esteem as he still makes arrangements to see me. As time has gone on, I have noticed that we never seem to spend time alone anymore. He always seems to need his friends around, and seems to enjoy himself far more with them than he does me. I try to make jokes and have a laugh because I love to see him smile but if anything he has been tetchy with me lately and it hurts to see him smile when his friends are about but not with me. The little time we do spend alone is spent quite seriously and he spends alot of time asleep, which I put down to him working really hard. It has crossed my mind that he might be depressed. We have been experiencing sexual problems too.This evening he said to me ‘well, I had packed my bag to come and stay over with you but I’m over the limit to drive now’. He is coming over tomorrow to pick me up (it’s a long distance relationship) so I am trying to be positive and think well at least he’s coming over tomorrow. I wasn’t sure what to make of his comment. We hadn’t made concrete plans so I wish in a way he hadn’t said he WAS going to come and stay and just said I can’t come over tonight as I’m over the limit. I think he was trying to reassure me that he HAD planned to come over. I told him that I wouldn’t be able to stay over tomorrow night, and he didn’t seem remotely bothered whereas before he would almost beg me to stay over. But I can’t help thinking that isn’t this just another sign that he is bored with me and would rather be out with his mates.I think that maybe he is scared of intimacy, and I spoke to a friend of mine who suggested the lack of him wanting to be alone with me may be because he doesn’t know how to deal with the sexual problems, but that shouldn’t extend to being alone with me outside the bedroom, should it? We haven’t been alone at all since I don’t know when. I also find it weird that he’ll make plans for us (which is great!) but he doesn’t see the need to contact me between times, so I feel like I am wheeled out just to keep his family happy This week I texted him a question and it took him 3 days to get back to me, the longest it has taken him to get back to me. I have started to wonder if maybe he just likes the thrill of the chase, but if anything his relationships have been more long term than me and have all been serious. I have also wondered if maybe I am just having trouble adapting to the relationship beyond the honeymoon phase. There is such a lack of all forms of intimacy at the moment, I am feeling like a friend rather than what should be one of the most important people in his life. Is he bored with me? I wish he would say what the trouble is! What do you think guys, and how do I approach this?
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depressed, long distance, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
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