A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Greetings to all of you,I am finding it difficult to adapt to my boyfriend's way of being. He's a very susceptible person and feels offended very easily. Moreover, I'm the type of person who likes to speak to clear out our differences but whenever we are having conflicts, he would just tell me that he does not want to talk about it. But I feel the need to talk as I would like to sort out things and not let things remain like this. But he never understands this aspect about me and say that all I do is to talk and talk and make noise. He never finds that he's at fault also. I always have to accept defeat. He never comes to me to try to reconcile matters, it's always me who goes to him. Moreover, he has lots of things in his mind and because of all this, his mood is always off and I have to suppress all my needs because he is rarely in the mood. I really don't know what to do. I badly need your advice as right now I'm lost.
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male
reader, DV1  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 The thing is... you can ask him to talk all you want, and he's never going to want to. If you try and box him in and make him talk, he's just going to say: "I'm ok" or something to make you think everything is ok. Stop seeking him for approval, and don't even bother arguing with him about anything, because he's going to feel that he's right anyway. It really sounds like he's the type of person who does stuff on his own time, and takes the space he needs without regard to others... and will call you clingy and obsessive even though it's just you trying to make a concerted effort to be there...
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 I don't like talking myself. Your boyfriend looks at these talks as threats to his well being, he braces himself and thinks that you are about to point out his short comings. He's thinking: what's the problem, get to the point here? He doesn't understand that just listening will make you feel better because it helps you process your feelings. If he tells you that's what girlfriends are for tell him, you don't compartmentalize people, and their roles. When he listens to you you feel valued and understood and because he is your significant other, you feel the bond gets stronger when he listens to your most private, intimate matters of your soul. When you talk try to remain in a neutral tone. Whenever you talk about your differences, it is equally as important when you do find resolutions to your differences. Differences can be good when you can be yourself. It can be bad when they drift you apart. He has to understand that when you talk about differences you are not finding reasons to break up, rather you are seeking to understand each other, and he should try to understand where you are coming from.
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