A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are still in college but we graduate soon, like in the next year. He has a more laid back approach with things/life and is more up in the air/live in the now, whereas I'm more of a planner and I like to see more into the future. He's not sure where he wants to go, or do when he graduates whereas I have my career and vision panned out and I plan to stay in the city I'm in. He's not sure he wants to stay here in the future. I'm open to moving but more in the future, not the first few years of my career because it's hard to just relocate in the field I'm going in, you'd have to start over basically. We both got to talking about this and he says he still has a lot he wants to do with his life and it kind of hurt me because I feel like I do, too, but I want to do these things with him for the most part. I would never stop him from doing anything he wants to do, but I also want a partner that can't picture their future without me. We both really care for each other and this is the happiest we have both been ever. He does see his future with me (he has mentioned he wants to be with me for the rest of his life) I feel like he's the one for me, but i told him I have to think about this because we don't know whats going to happen down the road, whereas he doesn't care and wants to stay with me and see what happens. I just don't like that approach that much because 1) I'm terrified of investing time into this just to be left in the end or having it be taken away from me just because he wants to do something. I would be destroyed. 2) I don't like not knowing.I don't know what to do, should I stay with him and see where it goes or just end it now? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (3 November 2017):
 Try not to overthink things and stop worrying about the future with your bf, because nobody knows exactly what the future holds.
Nobody can possibly know and that includes you and your bf, so why worry?
You're both still young and at your respective ages it does make sense that your bf isn't too sure yet, as to where he wants to be or what he chooses to do.
If you love each other, you must work together and go with the flow of things.
It's the least stressful way to deal with it.
If you're too much of a planner and you cannot handle the not knowing, then you will have to decide whether you stay or whether you go.
This must be your sole decision.
You've got your expectations all laid out, however, your bf hasn't and if he hasn't, that's his absolute right.
You must learn to accept his choices/preferences, just as you have your own choices and preferences.
You sound very afraid to stay with him, because you're so fearful of what may or may not transpire in the future.
You feel you'll have wasted your time, if things don't go according to your plan, but you know what?
You can't ever be sure of what will/won't happen.
The fact is, you're both working right now as a couple, at this minute, so why throw it all away because of undue fears and future uncertainties?
What if it all works out for the best and you guys do end up staying together for the long term?
If you don't give you guys a chance, how will you ever know?
If everybody in the world became afraid of commitment because of what may or may not transpire down the road, then we'd all remain single forever.
The fact- Nobody knows what the future holds.
There are those who stay together for a short while, or for many years, but sadly one partner dies, leaving the other alone.
My point is, anything can happen.
Why don't you just embrace what you both have in the present moment and the fact that you've both crossed paths in this life, be happy and take one day at a time.
You'll feel much better and if/when you must deal with something, you will and it won't kill you.
Ups and downs are all part of our earthly human experiences and we learn from everything that happens to us.
We grow bigger, better and stronger, from having dealt with life lessons, so know you'll always be ok no matter what.
All the best.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 November 2017):
 Off course you don't like not knowing, but none off us knows what the future holds. So you could plan something and feel secure but yet the whole thing could fall apart. That is the joy off plans and they don't always work. You need to de-stress, you are worrying way to much. He has the right attitude. You both might have different plans, but it sounds like you both still want to be with each other so even if he relocates you can both work it out if you both want to. Stop overthinking things and enjoy college life and your life with him. Remember everything could change tomorrow out off your control so why worry about the future.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse  +, writes (2 November 2017):
'How do you make God laugh?- Tell him your plans!' That's how the joke goes, and it's true. From what I can distil from your longer post you are thinking of breaking up with your boyfriend because his vision of the next chapter does not match yours, he might want to do something which doesn't fit with your carefully planned next step and also because he's told you that this might be the case and his honesty hurt your feelings. You feel that your partners vision should include you but yours doesn't seem to have to include his!I suspect that you are correct, and you two will part ways, it's just more usual in a loving relatiknship to wait until it's necessary to do it rather than when someone commits the sin of honesty about ther plans. If you turn it around and he had asked you, he could have written this and the punchline would be that his girlfriend would put her career path first and that he was breaking up with her even before he knew he wanted to move away or do something else because he preferred certainty overy her. Putting your career first is fine. But nothing in this life is certain so be careful about making decisions when one tenet is built on a fallacy. At your age I don't blame you for choosing what you have, and you can do whatever you want, but you shouldn't ask more of people than they can ask of you. Carry that through life you will have true integrity.
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