A
female
age
36-40,
*ewtzy
writes:My Boyfriend and i recently got engaged, hes been in the army for 6 years, we have been together for a year. He recently signed off as he has started to hate it but has to work up until next march. Then today he had to go and see one of his bosses for a talk about why hes leaving and they completely messed with his head. now he doesnt know what he wants. It will break my heart if he stays in, we keep arguing about it, what should i do, im really at breaking point. We planned such a happy life together after he leaves the army.
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female
reader, Newtzy +, writes (28 April 2007):
Newtzy is verified as being by the original poster of the question He is staying in the army. I am staying with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2007): He tells you he 'hates' the army. Then I have to ask--why not just leave it? His words and actions are not matching up here. He's being indecisive-he's torn. So now you have to sit him down and ask him..."what do you really want to do?" Tell him to tell you his honest, most open, truthful feelings about what he strongly feels he has to do. And be prepared to hear what you don't want to hear. Because his army bosses are pulling him in one direction and he appears to be doing what he percieves...that you want him to do. He is floundering and can't make a decision to keep everyone happy. This is very confusing for you...I can understand that. I think he's confused as well. He saying one thing but doing another. This comes down to him making a decision, based on only what 'he' wants. Decisions are an essential part of life , whether at careers or in our personal lives. Making good decision means making a judgment between two alternatives. Since many people often have difficulty in making decisions because in this case, the decision he makes may result in....losing you. If he leaves the army, like he has promised...you are happy, but will he be? I know he has told you he hates it...but does he really? If he hated it that badly, his army bosses would not be able to sway his decision. Let him know you will stand by him, no matter what he decides. And if he decides to stay, you must follow through on what you promise or walk away from all this. If you walk away, there will be heartache but I can bet you won't be dating an army guy again.. I recommend you take yourself out of this..completely. The army has played a huge role in his life up to now. It's likely been the only real career he has had. The army/military life is not for anyone. It takes a special type of honorable man to stick it out and even a stronger woman to love that man, through the long absences, the worry and stress of him fighting off in another war torn country. . He's stuck it out for 5 years, before you came along...it's likely he has really just begun to not want the army because he wants to be with you. Hun, he has just one more year. Take this year with him and let him decide. It might even help if you can sit with him and come up with a plan for him to do a career change, once he's out. He could be very fearful of what his future prospects will be? Get to the bottom of this...tell him as his partner and loved one, you want what makes him happy. Don't think about what you want after all, a real, genuine love is not asking our loved ones to do things that make just 'us' happy. Because if you do that, he could resent what he gave up for you, years down the road. Let him decide and what ever the outcome, then you have to decide once and for all if you can live with his decision. Not an easy place to be...but at least the cards are out on the table. Let me know how you do. Take care, hun and get talking to your man.
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A
female
reader, Newtzy +, writes (28 April 2007):
Newtzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere seems to be some confussion with the problem. my boyfriend has to work up until march until he can leave. Which is what he wanted, I didnt push him into leaving, i was the only one who tried to talk him out of it. When he said he was sure i was relieved as i hate being away from him and he promised me this was the best thing for him as he really hates it, Then his boss scared him saying there is no life for him outside the army, Now he doesnt know whether to leave in March or to stay and serve up to 22 yeas - which i dont know if i can handle.
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A
female
reader, Oldersister +, writes (28 April 2007):
 right, so he has to stay until march, thats just under a year. you have only been together a year. Why rush it? if he wants to serve til march you should support him. he obviously wasn't sure and maybe he feels like you are pushing him into a situation he doesn't want. you need to talk to him but be open to a suggestion that may not be what you want
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