A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Usually, one of us gets upset and the other is there to make them smile but for a little while now, both my boyfriend and I have been really upset lately. Not with each other, with life, but I feel it's hurting our relationship. I have so much to do for college and graduation plus finding a job, a new car, etc. He's working hard to pay for his apartment and try to graduate so he can find a better job. He's sore constantly and always wants me to give him back rubs. I don't mind most of the time but I can't do it all of the time. Then we only get to relax and see each other on the weekends but we never actually relax. Lately, he's been sulking around and all he wants to do is sleep since he doesn't get much during the week. He gets really upset and that starts to bring me down.He works nights so he sleeps until at least 1pm on Saturday so I feel that Saturday is always wasted. He doesn't usually get to me until 3pm or later. We watch movies together and cuddle, though he tends to fall asleep when I'm not tired. Then I get tired and he's awake. Because of that, sex is rarely an option. I always want it but he's too tired or too sore. Then he wants it in the morning when I feel like crap. Usually, we try to stay up until sunrise because of his night schedule but lately he's been wanting to go to sleep at 11pm or 12am! So, I get less than 10 hours with my boyfriend on Saturday. Then he'll leave me early on Sunday, like when HE wakes up, to go and do things he doesn't have time for during the week like laundry, cleaning, etc. My point is that our two days turns into a few hours.I try to leave him alone during the week except for texting him when he wakes up, goes to bed, and during his work breaks so I don't take up too much of his time. He's stopped coming to visit me before work and I didn't complain. I know he needs to sleep and I know I can be selfish at times, but all I'm asking for is a little time.It was different with his old job. He hated it and said that things would get better with this one but it hasn't. With that job, he was always stressed out and angry but this job is more physical and he's one of the oldest guys at his job so he's constantly sore and tired. We just can't win. He doesn't want to go back to truck driving because then he'd be all of those things plus lonely but he could save a lot of money fast.I'm trying to find a job to help out, even though they are his expenses and we're not married yet. I still pay for our meals and try to help out when I can. (I do have money saved.) We would love to be married but we obviously can't afford it and we don't mind waiting.I talked to him about this but the problem is that since it's really situational, nothing can be done to fix it without changing our situation... Which is almost impossible because he needs that job or else he can't pay his bills. I feel like time is the only thing that can fix this but I don't know how long I can take this.I'm at a lost of what to do. I love him and I do not want to leave him but I have needs too. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (15 November 2010):
Hi there. As much as you say you love him, your needs are just as important as his.
Don't neglect your own needs, because of his difficult work and study schedule.
It's probably going to have to come down to asking yourself what you really want from your life, then what do you really want from the relationship with him.
It's not easy.
It seems virtually impossible to make things work with him, mainly because of his work and odd hours.
Have you considered having a break with him for a little while, then you can do stuff and please yourself a bit more, rather than trying to work your life around his. Because that doesn't seem to be working, does it?
You've just said that you don't know how much more you can take, so that's a pretty good indication that you have had about enough. You are already feeling a bit tired of it, that seems clear.
It seems like it might now be decision time, for you.
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