A
female
age
30-35,
*azz19
writes:My boyfriend always looks at other women online and it hurts me so bad. I feel like i'm not good enough he watches porn a lot and i feel very insecure i can't even enjoy sex together anymore and its making me very depressed. I asked why he watches porn and he tells me he won't anymore. Now he just looks up youtube videos and pictures. Its making me feel very bad about myself where i don't want to be with him anymore its like he'll never stop and i'll never be good enough for him to look at only in that way. Please help me!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): I'm sorry you are feeling this way, hun. I wanted to support you and let you know, you are not insecure. Just because you don't like the idea of your man jerking off while looking at other women, does not make you insecure. It makes you confused, indignant, you feel like he is cheating on you, you feel not enough...these are are valid feelings and no one should admonish you for them.
Women are satisfied with having sex with only one man and feel no need to masturbate to images of other men. This does not hold true for men. It is an inherent difference in the sexes that is as much biological as it is cultural...part nature, part nurture. It bears no reflection on his desire for you, nor does it mean he loves you any less. He doesn't do this because of any dissatisfaction with you...it is just a habit he picked up as a young man and probably never gave it a second thought. Now that he is older, it will be very difficult for him to stop doing it. He has used masturbation throughout his life as a form of stress relief, a sleep aid, something to kill time when bored and yes, at times just because he is horny.
Try to understand it from his point of view, not yours, and make a compromise. Perhaps you want him to always delete his history so you don't have to know he's looked at porn, or you want him to promise not to use it when you are at his house...whatever you want, but be reasonable. The porn will not turn him off to you, but arguments with you about it will :(
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (20 February 2010):
 You are so young, we get many questions like this from young women. You say your boyfriend looks at other women and because of his behaviour you feel insecure. But you feel insecure, he dosen't. First you didn't like the pornography, you felt threatened by them girls. Your boyfriend is nice, he stopped, now he looks at youtube and pictures and still you feel upset.. can you see where I'm going.
If your boyfriend stops looking at youtube, pictures, porn but starts buying women's magazines and looks at fashion model's instead, will this make you happy. What about if he dosen't look at any television, sells his computer and throws out magazines, will it be ok for him to talk to the pretty lady in the shop. Can he look at the beautiful woman who walks buy in a short skirt.
We've had posts on here where women have banned shampoo bottles from the house, because the lady on the label is to attractive.
You have the problem, your insecure about your attractiveness, or your insecure about your relationship with your boyfriend. Common, I felt ugly when I was your age, but as I got older I got more confident about myself, based not only on my beauty, but my talents, my personality, my goals, my intelligence and every damn thing that makes me a beautiful older woman in my eyes.
Go to the gymn more, start to exercise your body, it's a great stress reliever, and it will make you more aware of your body, how it moves and how lucky you are to be alive. Yoga is especially good at making you feel healthy and attractive. If you don't like porn, then ask him not to look at it in front of you. Unfortunately I have no solution to stopping men from looking at attractive people, just like I have no answer from stopping children looking at sweets. With children, as long as they don't touch the sweets then I allow them to look as much as they want. With men, the same thing goes. A relationship should not be threatened because a man has eyes, if this is the case, then only a blind man will make you safe.
Do you never, ever look at beautiful people. Do you not watch television or video's, do you not think men in the movies are handsome. Are you so in love with your boyfriend that you don't appreciate human beauty anymore?
If you can't accept his behaviour, and he can't find a way to change and become blind, then the only thing you can do, is break up and probably stay alone, because most people do look at attractive things, even if they have no wish to own them or touch them.
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