My boyfriend acts horribly but I don't want to kick him out! What can I do?

A female age 51-59, *ve1973 writes:

Really need some advice, Ive been with my partner David for 9 years now. After we had been together a few months we decided to have a look into swinging, we met a few couples and a few males, but realised it wasnt for me, but couldnt really tell my partner as he was really into it and he said it would stop him cheating on me, like he has most of his other relationships. Being on the website would take up most of our weekends and it started coming between us and causing arguements cos I wasnt interested. Few months later I noticed he had his own profile, I wasnt happy but he said it was to chat to people when I wasnt here cos I worked nights. Taking his word for it and keeping check on him, which wasnt easy as he would erase all history so I put a spy program on so i could get his password and read his emails he had been sending. Dec 08 I had a car accident and rang him, he was suppose to be at work, but found out he was meeting a couple for sex. After loads of arguing I forgave him and told him if he ever done it again I would do the same to him but he wouldnt find out. Not even 2 months later i get a text from my son worried that David wasnt home from work an hr after he should of been. I took a drive down to his work and caught him in car with a woman, supposely chatting. He told me we couldnt split up,im his world and couldnt live without me, he would kill himself if i kicked him out, so I forgave him again. Reading his emails on swinging site, he started chatting to men and wanting to meet them too, I felt sick and hurt by what I was reading, I asked him about it but denied it and said he was only doing it for a laugh, im about 90% sure he has met with 2 men but could be more. I had gone to work several occasssions crying and my manager was a shoulder to cry on and great support. Having sex with my partner became hard cos i kept thinking of him with men and how he hurt me and i wanted him to know how much it hurts, so i started having sex with my manager. I got caught out when i left a text on my phone i had sent him and he went mad, told him i only done it to get back at him, I told him it only happened 3 times when i was at work. He threatned to kill him, smash his car up and tell store manager at work what we were up to. I wasnt allowed to go back to work so went to the docs and said i was having really bad back problems which was ok cos i have a medical condition anyway. Ive now been off sick since feb 22nd, i have no money to pay bills and he doesnt help, im not allowed to venture far from the house without him ringing or texting. Couple of weeks ago he said he had to go into work early, but I found out he was meeting a woman in our town, I didnt say anything just waited til the next time which was the following week, he texted me when at work saying he was going straight in town after work, i thought yeh right, got womans number from his mobile account online and rang her, she basically amitted that she met him the two times. so texted and told him i knew. He came straight home from work into a big arguement saying its all my fault for having an affair with my manager and that ive had extra cocks and he wants an extra pussy as he says he has never had sex with any of the woman he has met. He started saying he was gonna get petrol and set fire to the garden as he has done alot of work in it, if i kick him out and he will go and find my manager, obviously I didnt want this to happen so were still together. The next morn on his profile his mailing woman again about still meeting up. He arranged to pop out of work last night and see her, but only for kiss and cuddle and he is planning on going round wed morn when he finishes work, for a shower and some fun.

View related questions: affair, at work, his ex, money, split up, swinging, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2010):

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A female reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 May 2010):

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