A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hiya i have been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years now we got a house together a year ago and have been ok on and off the thing is my boyfriend goes into moods were he wont speak to me for days maybe even weeks and they could be because of no reason to do with me at all but he never talks to me about stuff just lets them build up in his head then when he is okay he expects to be normal again with me even though i end up feeling crap and as if its my fault he just tells me to forget about it problem now is he was funny for about 2months and i met someone at work that i like and he really likes me we have kissed but taken it no further we chat and text every day and get on really well he has a girlfrien that he isnt happy with either and wants to finish with her for me but i have a motgage to think about and how i am truly feeling about my boyfriend im just very confused at the moment and could do with some good advice cheers x
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (7 June 2008):
 First words of advise. Never cheat, and kissing is cheating, so is having inappropriate conversations outside your relationship. You have to come clean about the way you've chosen to deal with the problems in your relationship. If not, you're living in deceit, which will grow and destroy.
Second, while messing around with this other person, what's being done about the situation at your home? You can't have both, and while going outside your relationship, you're ignoring the problems and choosing a method which doesn't allow you to really focus on the issue at hand.
You need to realize any issue that is not taken care of expands. It grows like a weed, compiles issue on top of issue, then become unbearable.
What's your boyfriends past. Too often guys don't discuss issues because of what they've been tought. Their taught they have to remain strong for the family. Talking about issues can be a sign of weekness. He may have grown up where he was taught to suppress his emotions, and not show them.
What I want you to know on his behalf. Supressing emotions is dangerous. I know, but I don't have a choice. I have a disability where it affects my ability to become angry. I use to think I could handle stress better than most, until I ended up in the hospital for two days with anxiety. I thought I was having a heart attack. I don't become angry, but situations where most would converts to anxiety.
From experience in dealing with people tell him the best way to overcome an issue is to talk about the issue. It may seem like a small task. Imagine the issue as being a balloon. When you talk about it, it deflates from your conscious mind and relieves the pressure of the issue.
Take care, and I wish you the best. Also remember, you can find attraction from 1 out of 5 men. It's commitment that keeps you with the one your with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): I suggest you think very carefully of what you want and how you feel about your existing relationship, once you have doane that, some "Stock taking" talk to your boyrfriend about the things your unhappy about, and hear also what makes him unhappy.
I would personally becarefull with this guy at work, it might just be a "fling", you might have been feeling under pressure due to the lack of attention from your boyfriend due to his long "hibernation". I urge you to be carefull, now it was just kissing but even that....if your boyfriend must know, surely he will not be happy, neither will you be happy if he was doing that behind your back.
You have been in this relationship for more then 4 years, please becarefull not to just blow it away with some misunderstanding that might be resolved by open communication.
Take stock, talk to your boyfriend try and resolve your issues and then consider your options.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, x..BabyGirl..x +, writes (7 June 2008):
 Sit down with your boyfriend while he's on a good day, tell him that when he goes into his moods you feel bad and you don't know what it's about and therefore don't know what to do as you don't know whether it's you that is causing him problems. Also explain that you're not happy with the way he treats you with stressing out on you then becoming happy again and expecting you to readjust as quick as he has. Explain that you're a couple and have been for a long time, you should share everything and tell each other your problems, not bottle it up, tell him there has to be trust in the relationship or else you may have to consider walking away from a relationship that is constantly changing too drastically too often and that could potentially turn violent. The guy at work. Chances are he's just after sex. He may say that he wants to leave his girlfriend for you, but he'll get you in his bed and keep promising to leave her, but you'll find yourself having to keep asking him 'when'.4 and a half years is a long time, and it sounds like it's too much to throw away for a stupid office affair. You could potentially destroy your boyfriend and the other girl. Making you enemy number 1. Just don't go there, try to help your boyfriend and get his and your's relationship back on track, if problems still persist, make an appointment for him to go and see the doctor and accompany him there, he may need to take anti-depressants while he's in his moods.
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