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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi all,I'm in a bit of a difficult spot. I want to lose my virginity with my girlfriend but I also have intimacy issues (I am embarrassed about the way my chest looks) which is making this hard. She has mentioned making love before, but I sort of skirted around the subject. Basically, I'm wild about my girlfriend and want to go further, but my issues with my body mean that I feel I need to hold back. I hope someone can give me some good advice. Thank you. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Boost  +, writes (23 September 2013):
The best thing you can really do is apologise to your girlfriend for skirting round it when she spoke about it before and tell her why as the last thing you want is for her to think its something to do with her. Just be open and completely honest with her
A
male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (23 September 2013):
So you have issues with your body, if you like this woman and she is nice you owe it to her to show or tell about your body issues. Forget the excuses. Communicate,communicate and keep communicating with your girlfriend about your issues. You might be surprised or she will say sorry i cant deal with it and that is fine and then let her move on. Get your problems solved asap then. Sex is part of the relationship package and is required in a relationship. Do not wait and take immediate action. Move forward. Good-luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2013): Seeing your message. I have intimacy issues as well about my physical appearance, I can understand how hard it is for you. I think you need to sit down and talk with her about this before you even consider going further with her. Also if she can't accept this problem with your chest then she is not right for you. because someone who is right for you would not let anything like that put them off. I am sure that your chest looks okay and your probably just being really self conscious I am told that I am like that. Good luck auntiebambam :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2013): I am a girl with my own insecurities. If a guy can make me feel good about myself, I will love everything about him, and the things he doesn't love I will love extra to make up for his lack of compassion for it. Look at the people around you in relationships. There are people of all shapes sizes and attractiveness who have a significant other who loves them for who they are. We are more critical of ourselves than others are. The only thing that you have to worry about, assuming most girls think like I do, is to just be up on your hygiene. It doesn't matter much about a guys body if he keeps it clean and groomed. Everything else is genetics.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (22 September 2013):
 How long have you been with your girlfriend? I'm assuming that you've done some making out, some heavy petting - I'm sure that she knows what your chest feels like, and can safely assume what it looks like. Seeing it without a shirt won't be much different.
If you two are together, happy, in love, then you have to figure out how to let your guard down and move forward physically. If she is the right girl, you will eventually feel comfortable enough to ditch the shame about your body. She will make you so excited that any self-consciousness will be the last thing on your mind. There is no need to be shy - but if you are, start off with the lights off.
Go to the gym to build some more confidence, but in the meantime - let your girlfriend love you and build up your confidence. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (22 September 2013):
 Summer was just here. You were not that covered up so she won't be that surprised when you are naked. I am thinking of big scars from surgery, being hairless or manboobs. I can deal with scars. Being hairless is not a problem. Manboobs is a sign of lack of exercise.
The thing I look for in a man is health. Working out and eating well is something you can do. Body shape is what you are born with. If the girl loves you she loves your whole body. You can't let your fear of rejection delay the relationship and let it stay stagnant when you want to move it forward. You can't be too happy feeling she will let you go if that one day she sees the real you.
Have you exchanged the L word? You may want to feel that she will stick with you if she's smitten. If she worships you she will likely let go of imperfections. Some people do not fall in love until they have sex. But sometimes that love is just attachment and chemicals. A lot of times it opens doorways to deeper intimacy. Some people need that emotional connection before they can have sex. You need to figure out if this girl is in it deep or is she worrying about buyer's remorse.
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