A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met the man of my dreams over a year ago and we became fast friends. We shared everything; our love of creating art, our personal politics, past relationship woes, our taste in music and... our love of alcohol. About a year after meeting, we decided to throw caution to the wind and risk our terrific friendship for a relationship together.All was beyond perfect for the first few months... until while we were drinking with friends, I let something innocent effect my ego and I began to really pound down the drinks. I blacked out and proceeded to treat him very horribly and do things that are very out of character for me. I had no recollection the next day and the hurt that I had caused him was too much for me to bare. Thankfully, he forgave me for this horrible mistake in judgment and we stayed together.3 months later we were plagued with communication problems. We just could not seem to see each others point of view on relationship issues. He decided that he needed a break from 'us' because he was hurting badly, I was hurt as well and very scared, but I backed off.2 hellish weeks pass.Last Friday night, I asked a mutual friend to call him and meet us at a bar, I wanted to see him and to apologize and try to mend our current issues. I was already pretty drunk and had other substances in my system. I blacked out again before he showed up.I woke up at home over 24 hours later, not knowing how I had gotten there or what had transpired that Friday night. I didn't even remember him showing up.An email was in my inbox from the man I love more then the sky above me or the ground below me... he told me that I had shoved him and did other really awful things once he showed up at the bar. I have no recollection of this, but it has to be true. He wrote: "I don't know what you expect from me, but you made it very clear last night that it is NOT a relationship let alone a friendship. I was confused, very confused, about us, but you have clearly showed your position as far as we go. I thought you'd at least have enough heart to apologize for certain things past, instead, I got a bunch of physical "f!@# you's". I thought we could somehow salvage our relationship, Now I'm more worried about saving our friendship."I'm devastated that I could do this to someone I love so much. That I am such an out-of-control person (that even I don't recognize)in that blackout state!I'm terrified. I'm so full of remorse. I sent him off a letter telling him all of this and of how sorry I am for it. Hurting him that night is the deepest regret I have ever had! I've mutilated this poor man's beautiful heart and it's killing me.I am now detoxing and attending treatment for my addiction. I know that saying "I'm sorry" isn't enough, I have to ensure that this will NEVER happen again.He has not responded to my apology.What more can I do to show him how sorry I am?How can I prove that I never wanted to hurt him or that it will never happen again?Should I hold any hope for 'us' in the future? Is there any hope for me to recover from addiction without the support i so desperately need from him?I know that we are both suffering so badly. it's all my fault and i just don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (28 October 2008):
I think that if you show him you are willing to never drink / take drugs again, then he may give you another chance.
Alcohol just turns some people nasty. A couple of people I know are t-total because their friends basically told them that if they got drunk again then they would lose ALL their friends.
Tell him again that you are not going to drink again and that it was not you talking, but the booze.
Hopefully he will believe you.
Good Luck!! xx
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