A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now, and it was all going really good..but i have just gone through with an abortion, one of the most horrible experiences of my life. i was so embarrased and ashamed of myself i only told one close friend and my boyfriend. He was good about it and talked it through with me, and tryed to understand where i was coming from but when it came down to it he wouldnt come to any of the doctors apointments or go to surgury or the hospital, and on the day of the operation he still wouldnt come. it upset me alot and i asked him to, but he wouldnt.i really needed him there, and in the end my cousin came with me and supported me through it all, i hate myself for doing it but i know i wouldnt have been able to cope with a baby at my age as im only 17. was very hard to make the decision but did in the end. But since my boyfriend didnt come with me i feel really let down and feel a bit distant from him i dont know if this relationship will last.do you think he should have come or do you think i should make our relationship work ? i dont feel i can talk to him anymore, and i dont really want to see him as much? please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHiya thankyou for all your advice x
just wanted to say i wasn't pregnant for 8 months,
and my boyfriend wanted ME to get rid of it.
Thanks again
A
female
reader, keba  +, writes (14 January 2008):
 sweety you need too talk to him problely he wanted the baby and only agreed because he realise that you did not but for him you kill his child which you already carried for 8months only one more month. he could have been excited but tried to keep it in you problely lost him the day you killed his child you need to talk to him and look at both sides both i hope that your able to get pegnant in furture time to come and remember god love you
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (14 January 2008):
 He sounds like a real winner.
Abortion is.. a touche subject. was it the right thing to do? the wrong thing? you're strong for you age admitting that.. at 17 you woulnd't have been able to cope. and for that i respect the decision.
Not only should your bf have been there. he should have been the one to talk you and hold your hand through it.
A relationship involves 2 people. if only one person is doing the work then its not much of a relationship.
If you bf woulnd't support you through this difficult desicion, which is a life changing desicion.. which at some point you will probbaly have kids.. if he woulnd't support you through that.. what makes you think he'd support you through actually having a child when you're ready?
If he did care, he would have been there.
you need to find you self someone decent.
don't stay in a relationship just for the sake of not being alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): First of all, I want to give you some recognition for making a very difficult and very responsible decision. You did what was best for your future and didn't give into society's "pro-life" pressure. I have great admiration for you.
Second, the guy you're with sounds pretty immature and selfish. He should've been there to support you 100%; there's no excuse for his absense. I honestly don't see the relationship going further unless he really steps up and puts forth some effort. If you really like him, try to work things out. But if he continues to ignore your needs, then lose him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): You are every young and so is he, he probably couldn’t handle it. The sad thing is you are both old enough to have sex but not old enough really (and why should you be) to face such challenges in the way, for example, a married couple would. This is an example of people being ready physically but not emotionally for the responsibilities of sex (which means potentially creating a baby, even if it is by accident) relationships, life and supporting each other when it all goes pear-shaped.
You know that having sex can have consequences which are not fun, so may be you could consider waiting to have another relationship like this until you are a bit older. I know I sound like a middle-aged kill-joy, but I have been where you are and this event will always affect your life even though you may not be aware of it now. As I say, I know, so I am saying this with compassion not judgement.
I would say, be as philosophical as you can but don’t put yourself in the same position again. People spend emotional currency when they have sex and there is always something to pay for it. Keep your account good and full for the day you meet someone who is really worth it, who you know would stand by you through anything. This poor young lad is not there yet and neither are you. I would say that a break from him would be good if painful. Warm best wishes, use this challenge to increase your wisdom and look after yourself better.
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A
female
reader, sxcarshalz  +, writes (14 January 2008):
i think you need to let him know how you feel and sort it out ask him why he didnt wont to go, maybe because he didnt wont the baby maybe his trying to keep his distance as well. but talk to him about it. i would be very annoyed and up set if my bf wouldnt come with me. try and make it work but be honest with your feelings its hard after you hav an abortion.good luck
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