A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently found out that my boyfriend went through a "gay stage" in the past. He didn't tell me about it, I happened to come upon one of his old emails. When I confronted him about it, he said he went through a stage but didn't want to talk about it and I freaked out. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have said about the subject, but I'm scared he may still have those feelings. He says he loves me and wants to spend his life with me, but I don't want to get hurt in the future if he suddenly changes his mind.I want him to tell me about his past and stuff, but he says his past isn't important and doesn't want to talk about anything. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 If it worries you that much, leave him. He would be better off finding someone who is more tolerant and doesn't want to control his sexuality.
A
female
reader, jd11 +, writes (25 November 2008):
My x bf was bisexual- it takes an exceptional woman to be ok with this. There are quite a few of these women out there.I found a great community of them in yahoo groups- they are called alternate path. I found it helpful to hear stories similar to mine. I ended up deciding to opt out of the relationship as is was not ok for me. I definitely suggest that you apply for membership to the group and read the stories from women who have chosen long term relationships with non "straight" men- you don't have to post you can just read. The premise of alternate path is open minded and hopeful for success of atypical relationships as opposed tomany of the on line groups out there of enraged x wives.wish you the best of luck and healthy choices for your self!
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A
female
reader, naomiXXxxXX  +, writes (25 November 2008):
its perfectly normal for people to go through a gay stage. its human. what you need to do is tell him it was normal. of course you would be freaked out by this but many people have these urges they feel they must do and if he says he loves you and doesnt want to go back then thats normal. maybe he doesnt want to talk because he had a bad experiance. tell him its ok to be upset and tell him that no secrets should be kept between eachother other wise that courses a rift between the relaitionship. dont be too hard on him just talk to him like it was as if you was in his situation. from naomiXXxxXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand what if he really did have an encounter?
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A
female
reader, @pril +, writes (24 November 2008):
 WOW! Cant say I havent been through mot of this.The only part that hasnt happened is him being honest enough to tell me may/or may not have been with men. Ive found the transexual porn for years,he loves anal sex(which I wont do now),and he loves his butt played with way too much.I wrote about it as well.Listen im no angel so its hard for me to judge but if he atleast told you he had a "moment" with someone of same sex then its good.You may say you wont tell,or to trust you but all in all,When you fight,do you bring it up?This is obviously a deep secret for him,and if he wanted to be outed he would not hide it.Hard to share a secret that big with someone in his eyes im sure is perfect and whom he loves.DO stress to him that you cant grasp the concept because you havent been there and you love him but need to understand why he did what he did so you both can move on.I hope it all works out love!GOod luck,and if you ever need to talk im here.:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni posted another one that coincides "i feel like he doesn't really love me..." i didn't come up with the title, but now i am so worried about it and everything that i wrote in the other post. if you read it, should i talk to his best friend? or email her at least? i'm afraid she will think i am crazy or something?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): At first this is what I would have said:
"It was something in his past that he doesn't want to talk about and should keep quiet about, as ingorance on your part would have been rightfully bliss as it didn't really matter. But now that you've found out it would be unfair to you and inconsiderate of him to leave you hanging like this so he would have to try and talk about it at some point."
But then you mentioned about his sexual behaviour and I do think it's a lot more suspicious now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni don't know if he actually acted on it, but he definitely thought about it. should i ask him if he had any encounters??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): That could be a coincidence or not. That you might want to question him about. I wish you luck with this whole situation. Why does love have to be so complicated???
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): It's better that he experimented now than after being in a long term relationship with him. Any relationship has it's risks. There's just as much chance of him finding another woman. I don't mean that personally...you, meaning all relationships! You need to put trust in what he says! But I wouldn't questions his past. Respect his privacy when it comes to the past. But you might want to get tested for stds just to be safe.
As I see it, you have two choices: Trust what he says and stick with him. OR, if you're too freaked out, walk away before it gets too difficult to do so!
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): He will be embarassed to talk about it so leave it alone. Most people women included have some kind of homosexual experience at some stage. It is no big deal and you shouldn't worry about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd...I have no idea if this is coincidence or if he just wants to try new stuff...but he always tries to have anal sex with me and a majority of the time he only orgasms when he has sex with me from behind.
am i just being scared and paranoid of being hurt again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): I would have probably freaked out if i was you but when you think about it over 80% of men have all been through a stage where they thought they were gay. This doesn't affect their sexuality later on in life. He is probably embarressed to talk to you about it so it's best it is dropped. Tell him you understand, thats the best thing to do. He says he loves you and wants to spend his life with you, well go with that.. he wouldn't say that to you if he was gay. I can assure you he isnt and i dont even know either of you. It is just a stage that 80% of boys go through, its nature, its life.
Hope i have come to help :)
xx
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