| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend and i have been doing long distance for 2 years but together for 4 years. I just feel like he takes me for granted and doesn't show his feelings. I know that this may be a typical guy but I've tried to talk to him about this at least 100 times but nothing changes. He has a hard time expressing what he is feeling in his head. We are moving to the same city in 6 months because all our friends live there and his family is close by. I don't want to throw everything we have away, especially when we are so close to finally being together but don't know what else to do. Should I end things, or hope that it gets better?
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (28 September 2006):
 I feel everything within certain reason is worth trying and fighting for and I feel if you give up now you will always wonder if things would have been different once you moved.
If you continue the relationship and things stay the same after you move at least you know you tried and can move on without the curiousity of what ifs hanging over you.
Good luck, I hope everything works out for you :o)
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (26 September 2006):
 Hi Anon,
I have a hunch that he is being this way because he resents you for moving away from him, but at the same time he really cares about you.
You say that you have talked to him numerous times about what's going on and this has done nothing. I say that the next time you two talk, just let him know that you are here if he wants to talk about it. From that point on, there's no sense in trying to discuss it.
Instead, what you might want to do is only bring up the positive. Talk about moving in together, being together, picking stuff out for your place, etc. It might get him in a better mood. You might want to look at some things online together for your new place, or even look at apartments together. This will give both of you a feeling of staying together and hope for the future - positive things. Plus you two will probably be able to have fun while doing so.
If he's not the type to really care about that sort of thing, then I suggest figuring out what other positive things to talk about. What you're going to do when you're there, how nice it's going to be to live with him, etc. Whatever positive things you can think about your relationship in the future, talk about it.
But then there's a whole other side of this. Your boyfriend shouldn't be putting all of this pressure on you. It's not right for him to make you feel so terrible, especially without any answers. Relationships aren't supposed to be about one person pleasing another. They're supposed to be for two people, and it doesn't seem like your boyfriend fully grasps this concept.
Have you tried telling him how his words and actions are making you feel? What are his reactions? Does he get angry? If he does, maybe it's because he doesn't think you have the "right" to be upset since you were the one to move away. If this is the case, then it sounds like he has some issues to really work on. This pity party of his is only bringing the both of you down. He needs to stop being so negative and see the positive - if there is only negative then what's the point?
So I suggest telling him you're here if he wants to talk, bringing up only positive things in your relationship and the future, try to get him to stop being so depressed about things because there's only 6 months left. If he continues this for much longer, I would seriously consider whether or not you think this guy is right for you. You both need to work on keeping the relationship strong, not just you. If this happens after you're living together, it's sure to take a toll on you emotionally, mentally, and ultimately physically. You don't want that. And hopefully he doesn't, either.
Take care.
...............................
|
