A
female
age
30-35,
*lowersandangels
writes:Hi guys, I have an issue with my boyfriend which is making me question myself. Basically, I am 22 and he is 28, I have always looked quite young but at 22 i still get mistaken for like 16 sometimes and usually people say i look young. I used to always take proper care when getting dressed (full makeup, choosing my outfits) anyways I feel like I still do this most times however I dont wear bottom eyeliner all the time as i used to. I just cant be bothered to do that all the time anymore. Anyway, my boyfriend recently felt as if when we go out people look at him like hes a pedophile because apparently i look really young (he even said possibly like a 9 year old sometimes!). So basically he went through my old fb photos and he said to me i never do my makeup like how i used to which made me look more mature (the only thing i dont wear is bottom eyeliner!) otherwise i spent time on my makeup. Anyway, he said this makes him feel uncomfortable with me, as he feels people might think hes a pedophile. He even said to me ''and then you ask me why i dont hug and kiss you in public'' this has really offended me but he has asked me to see my point of view and wants me to do my makeup and dress more maturely. Does he have a point? Otherwise hes caring and all that. Ive always felt like he doesnt give me any public affection outside but now that hes said it, it has made me feel ugly. For example, the other day he came with me shopping as i wanted to buy underwear. He told me after he felt a bit embarassed as i look so young.
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female
reader, flowersandangels +, writes (10 August 2016):
flowersandangels is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there, it is the o.p. yes he has apologized and said that it is maybe because he feels he is starting to look older. I am very petite built, have been told many times I have a baby face. But yeah i dont feel really i should always have to look a certain way. I mean i am growing up, and usually when you grow up i think its not good to care to much about what people think.Argh he is just so self concious and it drives me mad. when we went out he felt as if loads of people were staring at us two, and thinking ''why is he with her, she looks so young, cant he find a girl his own age?'' i mean he is bloody 28 i hope he changes and mans up. I for one love want to enjoy my 20's and be happy with the way i look. I know a lot of guys think i look nice so its his problem i guess!
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (10 August 2016):
 Don't change who you are for him. Wear what *you* want or you'll waste your life not being yourself. If he can't get over it, he doesn't love you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2016): I think he's feeling "old" and maybe not looking youthful so he feels like a dirty old man. The older I get, the younger ppl look. I swear some 19 year olds look like they're not old enough to drive. What do I do? Nothing worse than check ID for cigarettes etc.
My boyfriend (51) is 14 years my senior. I look in my 30's, but he's getting bald and he has an "old man butt" (his son's words, not mine and my friend is cute darn it!) it makes us feel bad when ppl think I'm his daughter. So he's MORE touchy feely when ppl look at us funny.
We just don't think about it
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 August 2016):
 He just wants to put you down. It's not about how old you look. I am sure if he's dating a mature woman with wrinkles and stretch marks he will find a way to put her down too. If the woman looks normal, then she's boring. You will never win him over. He will always have something to criticize you about. I would let him go also. You look fine just the way you are. I hope this experience won't affect your self confidence in future dating.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 August 2016):
 This is totally on him. and he's being a tool!
I for many years looked younger than my age.
I was often assumed to be my children's baby sitter.
I was carded for alcohol and cigarettes till I was nearly 30
I am currently 56 and I think I look it although last year when my son got married I over heard someone say as I was getting off the elevator "she doesn't look old enough to have children getting married"
IN addition, my hubby is a baby at 43. When we started dating 6 years ago He was very very very thin which makes men look younger AND he was clean shaven. He looked like he was 15.... we got some seriously odd looks from people.
we laughed. IF he has discomfort then it's on him and it's incumbent on YOU to make sure he knows it's ON HIM and you don't want to hear it any more.
if he can't comply and keep his discomfort to himself i'd cut him loose. it's not worth being hassled by someone who is supposed to be your supportive partner.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (9 August 2016):
 He sounds like an asshole.
That is your appearance. You can't change that without surgery so what exactly is he expecting you to do. I can't believe he actually said to you that you're embarassing him.
Maybe he needs to find someone who he feels like he can take out in public. If I were you I'd send him packing.
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A
female
reader, flowersandangels +, writes (9 August 2016):
flowersandangels is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there, it is the o.p. He says that he is not embarrassed by me but by what people think. He said you need to start dressing more mature you dress like a child sometimes (mostly i just wear skinny jeans trainers and a t-shirt because quite frankly i thought I was with someone who thinks the world of me no matter what). but he is very self conscious about whats others think of us. I've been with him for four years, and somehow I can see his point. I can dress more mature i guess
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 August 2016):
 Honestly?
WHY is is dating you then? If he is constantly embarrassed? It's not like he IS a pedophile, as he is dating 22 year old not a 9 year old.
And... looking like a 9 year old at 22? I doubt that. Why would he say hurtful things like that to someone he claims to care for?
I'd let him go, if HE feels so bad about YOUR appearance that he CONSTANTLY brings it up, he isn't into you. Because HOW you look is part of who you are, bottom eyeliner or not.
I have always looked younger, still go carded at 30. But I have NEVER had a partner tell me I looked 9, or that I embarrass him by how I look. THAT is such a douche move.
Wish him luck and go find you a man who can LOVE you for YOU.
You shouldn't HAVE to do a full warpaint to leave the house with him, JUST so people perhaps won't think you are younger. IF you want to go out in public with ABSOLUTELY no make up on, then DO so! For F's sake don't let him dictate how you "should" look so HE won't be embarrassed.
Don't put up with that kind of crap!
THERE IS NOTHING wrong in how YOU look, you are just dating an asshat! EASY fix, honey!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (9 August 2016):
He needs to get over it or you need to leave. You can't help how you look and it's not always going to be a downside.
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