A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 5 months won't change his FB status and I amangry!!Right now it doesn't say he is single, he has it blank on that line. I sent him a request to change his status on FB from nothing to "in a relationship" and link it to my page. He refused !!! Says he wants to keep his private life private (he is the lead singer of a band and accepts fans on his page). When I got mad - And accused him of wanting to pretend to be single - he accused me of acting like a 12 year old.This comes just days after he said he loves me - so I didn't think the status change would be a big deal. We also run in a small circle and I told him guys were asking me about because they just assumed he and I were casual. Thoughts? What the heck do I do now? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lotus68 +, writes (22 October 2012):
Hello all,
I was having a similar problem with my bf of 6 months. I sent him the relationship request and he started giving me excuses, such as "I thought we had agreed to keep our private lives separate from FB". I was mad. Not long after, I changed my status to single. He was so upset that he immediately called me and I sent him another request and he changed the status. Try what I did, I hope it will work for you. Good luck!
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 You'll know for the future to go with that good old female intuition.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuess what? BF left his FB open and I looked at private messages. He was blantantly flirting with a girl and she asked "I see from your status you have a girlfriend". He responded "yes but let's see where this feeling between us goes. Here's my cell --- let's chat".
Lesson here. Go with your gut - he didn't want our FB pages linkes bc of what he was doing.
I broke up with him 2 days ago.
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male
reader, bruiser15 +, writes (18 July 2011):
I can relate but it really is not a big deal. My gf is private. She says she doesnt know half her fb friends. We are also in our 40's so listing relationship status seems to be more for the young. However, it kinda hurts My pride. Others in our age range list rel status. Of course she has her share of suitors who make crude comments while I grit My teeth. However, I have met her mom and kids. I have a key to her home. We also go out in public together. Recently she even posted a pic of us together. Some people are private for whatever reason. Dont make a big deal of it. U could end up blowing a good thing over nothing.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 April 2011):
 Congratulations. :)
Good luck to both of you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe changed it ! :)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 April 2011):
 does he do things otherwise to show you are a couple?
introduce you to his friends?
treat you well otherwise?
Facebook is truly a silly thing to break up over if everything else is going well.
I understand your feelings I do. My husband told me our marriage was over via changing his facebook status... that kind of sucks. My current BF does not even have facebook and I'm glad. It leads to hurt feelings and misunderstandings...
if he did not have facebook how would you feel?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know some of you think I'm over reacting, but the whole thing just doesn't sit well in my gut. Why get defensive and angry about it?
At the very least, he can put "in a relationship" and not link it to my page. Some people do that for privacy. This could have been a non issue.
And last night, he asked me to help him move and store his stuff while he is gone. And yet he still hasn't done one simple thing to acknowledge our relationship online. I am now feeling taken advantage of.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your responses.
He text me that he was sorry and he doesn't want to upset me and that he would fix it and change it.
That was yesterday. He hasn't yet and I'm not rerequesting him. Will let him do it. And if he doesn't , I'm done. I will tell him it's obvious I am not a priority that he is proud of and I deserve to date someone who will scream from the rooftops that I'm his ...
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female
reader, jennabgood +, writes (25 April 2011):
Glad I found this question because I am in the same boat and feel your frustration. My bf and I have been in a long distance relationship for the past 5 years, but we are very close through phones calls, messenger, and emails--we also visit each other a couple of times a year (he lives in another country). My bf also said the same thing that your bf said, that he is a very private person. He actually did add me as his gf once on FB but he got bombarded with so many calls and emails from people inquiring about our relationship that he deleted the status. I was very hurt, but I also know my bf very well and he is extremely shy when it comes to privacy and doesn't like his family or friends probing into his personal life. He has about 500 people on his page, he doesn't have any of his personal info posted, barely any pics, he has blocked anyone from being able to post comments on his page, ect. He uses FB only to get in contact with people when he needs to get a hold of them. I realize after 5 months that you don't know every little thing about about your bf, but you will get there and you will start to learn more and more about him. If he really is a private person then you should probably give him some space and let him be private. I know when I tried to push the FB issue with my bf he became very defensive and said he was just going to delete his page. You don't want to start a fight about it, so let him be and as long as he is not cheating and treats you well then I say let it go. If you become more serious in the future try to bring it up again and see what he says about it. Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): if this is how you feel so soon in the relationship is it worth it? the 4 months he is away will be emotional torture for you. why not find a partner who wants the same as you and save yourself the hassle. i think it's suspicious he says ILY just before he asks you not to see anyone while he is away but i also think it odd that you are trying to make him feel insecure by telling him other men ask you out. doesn't sound healthy to me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): Changing his fb status isn't going to solve the problem. Since guys in your circle are asking you out, this extends further than online so an online statement won't make any difference. If he's treating you casually and not making it known you are his girlfriend in his real life, I would assume you aren't and it's unfair of him to ask you to wait. I'd drop the online dispute and question him directly about the status of your relationship and making it known to others in real life. You shouldn't have to resort to using other men asking you out as a ploy or hint to get him more committed..he either is or isn't and that is what you need to find out.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 April 2011):
ah so this is a trust issue.he's going to be gone for 4 months and wants you to sit and wait for him but you think he's going to play the field. has he given you reason to not trust him?
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female
reader, Smileypants +, writes (24 April 2011):
 I wouldn't like that myself. I want to know my man is proud of me being his woman. My bf and I have each other linked on our pages.
That being said, if that was the only issue, I'd say chill out. But you admit he's about to leave for a while, and you have other reasons to feel he's shady. I've always learned, go with your gut!! If you can't shake the gut feeling something is wrong, it probably is...
See if you can convince him to change it while he's gone and wants you to "wait for him" good luck sweety.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOne another note: He is moving away for what he says is four months and wants me to wait for him and not date others - so I want to make sure I'm not being taken advantage of here.I guess that I why I'm freaking out about this. As for personal stuff on the page -He allows other personal stuff - like his sister to be listed as his sister with a link to his page. I think that is pretty personal. I don't have my family listed because I also have a job in the public eye and I don't want people knowing too much about my family. I'm just finding his actions shady.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (24 April 2011):
 I wouldn't take it too much to heart, maybe he just doesn't want his private life pasted on facebook, I know I wouldn't like posting stuff about bf/gf all over facebook, I hate it when I see others doing it an sure as heck wouldn't do it myself!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): Hi!I see your perspective. I, myself, am proud to have my lady. However, because I like to be private and I respect the privacy of our relationship and dont like ppl asking questions about us, I do not eevn have a single pic of he ron my page or linked to my profile in any way. Sounds like u two need a compromise. Has he told his family about you? Friends? Are people in general aware youre together. Maybe that could be enough for you to know he's proud to have you. Good luck.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 April 2011):
Actually, I'm kinda on both of your sides on this one. I am also pretty private about things I say on the internet if my true name is attached to it. I probably would choose not to display a relationship status until I got married.
I would be upset if he actually had "single" on his status and refused to change it. But he has nothing on it. I'm guessing he doesn't indulge inappropriate flirting with female groupies on his wall, because that would be inappropriate.
There might be a solution that could be suggested. Facebook does have a fan page he could have to connect with his fans, and he could keep his private page...well...private. I do agree with him not being ashamed of you...maybe he would be open to a second page for more close personal friends and family that would display a relationship status?
If he's still adamant, and there's no evidence of any other shady behavior, and he's not barring you from meeting his friends and family and keeping you a full part of his off-computer life, I'd just let it go for now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): You need to chill out!! You are overreacting about this... It's only facebook! So what if it isn't on facebook! it doesn't mean anything!I know where he is coming from, your private life does not need to be strewn across the internet, and when my bf hassled me into changing my status, I felt irritated, and only agreed if I kept it private who he is. It does not mean he doesn't love you, or doesn't respect you or care about your relationship. It doesn't at all mean he is embarrassed about the relationship. He simply doesn't wish to advertise every detail about his life, which many people could relate to. just respect his wishes and drop it. Sorry if I come across harsh, but you are getting way too upset about it.
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male
reader, availablegod  +, writes (24 April 2011):
one of the biggest things that run a relationship is respect.think about it..if your bf had Alessandra Ambrossio as his gf...would he have not put that on facebook?..in a healthy relationship you should be your bf's alessandra ambrosio...if you are not..then imho it's not much of an ideal situation to be in.I am fresh from a breakup. So my opinion of a relationship might be more or less coloured. But you should talk to your boyfriend and ask him very clearly as to why he isn't doing this thing. If possible ask him to write it down. because words can be changed at whim..writing forces a person to think.
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female
reader, Aunty Susie +, writes (24 April 2011):
I can understand where the boyfriend is coming from. Does he keep all things about his private life off FB, or just the fact that he is in a relationship? Maybe his profile is just for the professional and not the personal.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): What do you do now? You chill out and let it go. You're making it into a way bigger deal than it actually is.
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