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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi cupid, I've been with my guy for about 10 1/2 months and up until now everything has been perfect between us. We met online, and hit it off from the start and our relationship has just blossomed and we fell in love with each other around 6-7 months of dating. I should mention that i'm soon to be 22, and he's a couple of years older than me. He's my first serious boyfriend and i lost my virginity to him just recently, while he's had previous girlfriends and slept with all of them. The other day, he revealed to me that he couldn't keep lying to me and told me that during the first month of dating he went out a couple of times with another girl and made out and felt her up. He ended it with her and continued dating me. He also told me he that his friend (who's a girl) told him that she had feelings for him and she wanted to get together with him. He ignored her for a few months, but they still were in contact just as "friends". However he decided he did have feelings for her, and told her. She apparently got very mad at him because she wanted a response months ago and not now. They kept in contact for about a month later, just texting and saying how are you and stuff..they never did anything physical. They stopped talking around september, right after my bf told me he loved me. I don't know how to respond to all of this. I am so hurt and shocked and disappointed in my bf because i thought that he was always 100%honest with me and not capable of hurting me. He says he had to tell me now bc it was always on his mind and he wants to be with me forever and couldn't stand keeping something from me like this. I know he's sorry and i know he does love me, but i just dont know what to do. I'm angry with him and we're not communicating well right now, and i don't feel like i even know him anymore. I miss him, but at the same time i want to slap him for being so stupid. Has anyone had a similar experience? Can you please offer me some advice because i feel like i'm going in circles with this dilemma. Thank you so much.
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cheated on me, fell in love, lost my virginity, met online, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (5 January 2007):
 Lets put this in perspective. He slept with someone a month after he met you. At this point in the relationship had the two of you had the "I'm committed to dating only you talk?" or did you just assume that from the very first date he wasn't dating anyone other than you? His sleeping with this other woman just one month after you met may be painul to hear about, BUT from the contents of your letter I saw nothing saying that it was a committed thing at that point. I would believe that after the 6-7 month mark, the exchange of "I love you's", and the sleeping with you would make an unspoken committed statement. And from what I gather from your letter he has been completely loyal to YOU since that point am I correct? If he told you he was seeing and/or sleeping with anyone else then I would believe that you would have reason to be a bit upset about this. Give the guy credit, he was honest, although what he told you may have been better left unsaid. As we all grow older, and put a few more relationships under our belts, we become a bit more accepting of our partners sexual past. Yes, I can't blame you for being hurt, naturally when you love someone and are still in the point of the relationship where everything is rosey, it is often difficult to hear something less than positive about your perfect partner. Try to look at it this way... he loves you, that was in the past, the two of you were just beginning a relationship at that point, once it became an established relationship he slept with no one else, even though the opportunity was there. Be glad you have a good and honest guy. Many wouldn't have stopped sleeping with the other person until much later in the relationship. I know this isn't what you want to hear, he is your first real boyfriend, and first boyfriends have the ability to hurt us the most simply because we are inexperienced in the relationship process. Please be a bit forgiving of him, tell him you love him any way and try to forgive him. He sounds like a great guy and worth keeping around.
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